Honey I Will Stitch You

My brain is really quite a mystery. You could study me for years and still never understand my thought process.

The way I remember birthdays is especially screwy.

Bret's birthday is the 13th because it's an unlucky number and if you double that number, you get Mitch's birthday for the next month, 4/26.

My college family was easy. John's birthday is the same as my dorm room, 4/16. Jackson's favorite number is 8, so it's funny that his birthday is 3/9. Raw's is the same month as his, but add a two to make 3/29.

I called Cameron yesterday to sing happy birthday. How did I remember his birthday?

Well, my mom and dad's anniversary is 6/24 and my Dad's birthday is 6/25. i always had trouble remembering which was which until I met Casey. his birthday is pretty easy to remember; 5/25. So that meant I would remember boys on the 25th, which left it easy for me to remember Mamo's birthday on 7/24.

I know Cameron's birthday is in August and it's the twenty-something-th. I was following the same "this is a girl day or boy day" calculation that results in me knowing Dad's birthday.

Sarah and Jacque are both on the 29th, so Cameron's is on the 28th.

I called at lunch before I forgot.

"Hello?"

"Haaaaaaaaaaaapy biiiiirthday to yoooooooou!"

"You know my birthday is tomorrow, right?"

Apparently, the ol' brain doesn't work the same. I guess I'm old enough to get a calendar.

Happy Birthday--on the RIGHT day!

Cause I'm the Woogie Boogie and the Master of Fun

Evan's third birthday is coming up and Jacque is starting to freak out.

"Renting a Moon Walk is actually pretty cheap!"

Moon Walk??? We were lucky if we got to rent a movie!

While we were talking, evan had snuck back to the spare bedroom to watch Spiderman in peace and solitude. Of course, I just couldn't have that!

I ran in and picked on him for a bit, but not too long. If you distract him from his Spiderman too long, he gets cranky. I quickly tired myself out and laid down across the foot of the bed.

Jacque got lonely and came in to see what was going on. She ended up sitting at the head of the bed. This of course, meant that we had just made a crazy playground for Evan.

He crawled all over us, making strange hissing sounds. "What is that? Why is he doing that?"

Jacque is good at interpreting for me. "That's his spidey webs coming out."

He continued crawling back and forth between us. Then he leaped from person to person, all the while "spraying" us with his web. On one leap, he slid a bit and instead of catapulting himself off my butt, he fell on it.

Jacque groaned and then started laughing. "He bounced off of you and hit me!"

"What are you trying to say?" I demanded to know. "Are you saying I'm bouncy?"

"No! I meant--"

"Maybe I'm so bouncy, you should just hire me for Evan's birthday party!"

Who needs a Moon Walk when you can just have Aunt Bee lie down and let the kids jump on her?

And Although It's Been Said Before

You might remember that on a bitter cold night, I was at the Caucus.

I didn't talk about it a lot back then, but while there, I stood and was counted in the Clinton group.

I didn't talk about it much because, just as I assume you're doing now, I figured you all would scoff and harass me. But I stand by my decision.

I still feel Hillary would make the better candidate. No, I haven't agreed with everything she's done or said. But that applies to 100% of the world's population. But I feel like she's strong. She's funny. She's incredibly smart. She's been in the White House and knows what kind of BS happens on a daily basis.

Of course, there's the question that counters the experience: "Would you let the brain surgeon's wife operate on you?"

I tend to agree with Bartcop:

Well, if my choices were the brain surgeon's wife, who watched every minute of brain surgeries for eight years OR a smooth-talking guy who'd never been in the operating room before, I'd go with the surgeon's wife - wouldn't you?

After the mess we're in, I feel like she was the only candidate that could jump in and hit the ground running.

Not that I think Obama is a bad guy. Four years ago when he spoke at the DNC, I thought he was amazing. I thought he would be a great candidate for Vice President in 2008. But President?

I was also weirded out by the mass rush of people to jump on the Obama train. Like it was the cool thing to do.

Maybe I'm wrong. Perhaps he'll be the greatest president of all-time. I'll be voting for him, of course.

But tonight, I listened to Hillary and felt inspired and thought about what could have been. It seems I wasn't the only one:

HRC quoting Harriett Tubman marks the first time Hillary Clinton has given me chills. Where was this woman a year ago? I miss her.

"We don't have a vote to spare or a moment to lose."

"Don't ever stop. Keep going."

Enslaving the Young and Destroying the Old

Casey watches "The Hills!"

"I was watching it, but I didn't really watch it."

And I Know I'm Countin' Good Times

Twenty five years ago today, I was the cutest flower girl ever.

Okay. So I might have had some competition from my cousin Jill. No really! It was a serious competition!

Our mothers made our dresses and when I saw Jill's, I was crazy jealous. Hers was longer! That made the pink ruffled dress so much more sophisticated! I was so mad at my mom!

Someone pointed us toward our flower baskets and we rushed to them. Jill beat me to the table. I'm sure it had something to do with her long dress and nothing with the fact that she has always been a way better athlete than me.

Jill grabbed a basket and of course it was the best one! The ribbons were better, there were more flowers . . . why does she get everything?

But, being the experienced flower girl I was, I sucked it up and put on a stellar performance.

But who was the happily-getting-hitched couple?

Oh come on, kids! It's no laughing matter! You've made it twenty five years! That's a freaking miracle!

If you know BJ, you totally know what I mean.

Happy Anniversary!

Sometimes My Tries Are Outside the Lines

The Hills is back!

I am so lame. But not as lame as JustinBobby!

"There's a lot of skepticalism."

Gotta Stay High while I Survive

I was on my way home and just turning around the bend of the river when I saw lights. Lots and lots and lots of lights.

There were police cars and fire trucks and ambulances, all crammed into the parking lot of the Mid-America All Indian Center. They were also parked in various spots along the river.

So I figure some drunks either fell into the river or there was some sort of mass murder; the victims being thrown into the water.

I was pretty nervous to actually walk into my building. I just knew there was a murderer hiding around the corner!

Breathe Deeply from this Envelope

Dear Hollywood,

I will watch bad movies. Sometimes I'll be surprised and I will like them.

But I will never see Beverly Hills Chihuahua.

Heart,
Aunt Bee

Help Me Become Somebody Else

Yesterday, I was more obnoxious than usual.

"Guess what? In a month, I'll be in San Francisco!"

And then today, I wanted cake. And then I remembered what day it was.

"Aaarrrgggssssh! In a month, I'll be thirty!"

So then I had a drink.

Into the Mercy Seat I Climb

Last night, Raw and I went to the theatre.

She had a coupon, so she bought the tickets. "Two for the balcony, please."

We were really early for the movie, so we went upstairs to have a drink or two at the bar. We were the only ones there at that point, so the bartender was very chatty. "What movie are you seeing?"

"Pineapple Express."

"Oh awesome! I haven't seen it, but I've heard it's hilarious! I just caught a couple of minutes and I almost pissed myself!"

Other customers came to the bar, so he walked away to serve some drinks. Raw and I contemplated buying some Depends.

He came back, still interested in us. And by interested, I mean, he was trying to figure out how much money he was going to squeeze out of us. "Are you watching it in the balcony?"

The balcony seats are different. The tickets are typically purchased as a pair, since you sit in a loveseat with a small table in front of you. Servers bring food and drink to you at the touch of a button and you even have your own seat warmer.

We were, as mentioned, sitting in the balcony and decided it was time to head in. We tabbed out and gave our tickets to the usher.

"These tickets are actually for downstairs."

My brain was already working on what crappy seats we would get since we had been hanging out in the bar, assuming we had decent balcony seats. Raw's brain went straight to outrage. "We asked for balcony!"

The usher took pity upon us. "Well, if you don't care where you sit, we can fit you in."

He led us into the far dark corner. Crappy seats, sure, but at least we didn't have to try to search for something decent downstairs!

We thanked the kid profusely and made ourselves comfortable. We griped about the stupid ticket kid and gushed about how awesome the usher was to get us in, anyway.

Not that it really seemed to be a big deal. The show was starting in five minutes and there were more empty seats than full. Which is why it seemed really strange when a couple came and sat right beside us.

"We're mad at you!"

Raw and I glanced at each other. Do we know these people?

"You're sitting in our seats!"

Who would actually want these seats? We felt bad, since apparently we weren't supposed to really be there anyway. "We can move!"

"No that's okay. These are fine." And then she told us about how we were sitting in the seats they sat in when they first came to the theatre. "So they became our seats!"

"Seriously, we can move!" Raw was thinking the same thing I was. She and I could go to the other far corner. The one over there, that was empty. The one you'd think a person would naturally pick if they really wanted to be in one far corner and found out it was occupied. Why would they rather sit right next to someone?

"No. Really it's fine."

But it didn't seem to be fine. The man told us the whole story about how they weren't able to get the seat they wanted and she looked around the theatre. "It doesn't look that full!"

I was definitely feeling more annoyed than sympathetic at this point. It's a crappy seat, people! How can we get them to quit griping to us about it?

"Well, there seems to be enough room that we all four could share the seat!" I offered.

That did it!

Teeth

"It's true! Vagina Denta!"

But My Eyes Tell the Story that My Lies Can’t Hide

I can't even tell you how glorious that looks to me! I would love to shove my face into a pile of snow!

I know I've been terrible at this whole blog thing the last couple of months. It's just so hot! I can't even move! My brain won't work!

There's other things clogging my brain, too. I'm still obsessed with the whole San Francisco trip. I'm not kidding. I am so excited.

I talked to my gramps this weekend and he accidentally mentioned the trip. And so I started singing. "Oh no. I'm not going to have to listen to this for an hour, am I?"

C'mon people! I never go anywhere outside the midwest! Not to say I don't love Kansas, but I'll be turning thirty by the ocean!

And then there's that. I'll be thirty, soon. Just over a month. I think the trip is keeping me from really freaking out about it. But that doesn't stop it from happening.

And I know it's just a number, but that number is thirty! And do you know how close that is to forty? And then fifty is just around the corner! I feel like my life is just going by too quickly. And there's so many things I wanted to do and I haven't done them and I don't even feel old enough to do them! I'm so far away from childhood, but I still feel like such a baby inside. I can't be thirty! People who are thirty are so old!

Wow. This isn't really where I wanted this post to go. What I wanted to say is just that I have writers' block. Which seems so silly when it's just a blog. I just sometimes can't even pull up the blog to do any posting. I'm that blocked sometimes.

It's the heat! Not to mention the eye.

Sorry, folks! For the lack of posts and this whole tirade. My brain is a mess. But you knew this.

You see this . . . this is why I don't post!