And it Doesn't Help to Know That You're Just Time Away

Kansas in December

Some people lent me poop stories under the condition they would remain anonymous. After reading this story, you'll understand why I honored the request.

I know a person who recently attended a party outside the city he or she lived in. He or she rented a place to stay.

This person had an especially good time at the party and drank a lot. Like, enough that this person couldn't walk straight and was lucky to even walk into the rental before passing out on the floor.

Later that night, the person had one of those episodes where there was stuff coming out of both ends. Except the person wasn't at the toilet. He/She was still lying on the floor.

Instead of cleaning up the mess like a normal person might, Carpet Pooper rolled up the carpet and her/his clothes and stumbled outside. CP hiked across a field for what seemed like miles to a fence where she/he threw the carpet over a fence and made his/her way back to the rental.

The next day, Carpet Pooper packed up the vehicle and set out to return home. CP looked across the field and realized "That fence isn't really that far away."

In fact, Carpet Pooper could see the evidence peeking out from behind the fence. I guess it just seems far when a person is drunk.

I'm pretty sure they're going to use this as an example for reasons not to drink in D.A.R.E.

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