Letters: Day Two

Dear Doah Mohammed,

Your April Fools joke was not funny.

I pretty much hate April Fools. I spend all day freaking out that someone's going to do something to me. Not that I've never pulled any pranks of my own.

A few years ago, while I was still working at the banking center, Cassie and I went to Spencer's and bought a bunch of gags.

It was just silly things. A stapler that shocked the crap out of you if you used it, fake lottery tickets and candy that tastes like fish.

Cassie was our first victim. Yes, the person who helped buy the stuff was the first to be shocked. Even when she knew it was going to shock her, she was so surprised, she dropped it and broke it.

Next up was Christine. "Do you have any gum?"

"No but I have some cinnamon candy!"

Christine's face went from bored to surprised to get this out of my mouth right now!!! It was funny until she hit me on the back.

And then poor Nadia thought she actually won the lottery.

This is really the only time I did any April Fools pranking, Doah. Not terribly hilarious, but certainly funnier than yours.

My most unfunny prank was one I pulled on my dad.

It wasn't April Fools, but Halloween. Kids can get into some trouble on that night. And I was still a kid. I called my dad for some reason that night. I think maybe to see if I could stay out longer. But then I decided to be "funny.",p>"Hello?" My dad answered.

I pulled out my mad acting skillz. "Dad? *sniff* Can you come get me?"

I made sure to have an awesomely quivering voice. "I'm in jail."

My dad broke my heart, he was so sweet. "Okay. Okay. Calm down . . ."

I felt so bad that I immediately blurted out an apology. "No! Dad! I'm sorry! I was kidding!"

That's the day I realized pranks like that are not funny.

If only you had realized that, Doah. But I can see why you wanted to try. Pranks can be funny.

When I was living in Lawrence, Michael and I found out a couple of our friends had . . . relations while we were gone one weekend. They'd kept it secret from us. Worse, they'd used no protection.

We thought they should be taught a lesson. Miss was gone so we only had Mister to punish.

I sat on the couch with mister and Michael sat on the chair to the left of me. We watched television and joked around like we normally did. For awhile.

"Oh, Michael! Did Miss tell you her doctor finally called?"

"No. What did they say?"

I tried to act all uncomfortable when all I wanted to do was crack up. "Maybe you should ask her about it."

"Is it what we thought? Does Miss have herpes?"

I know. I know. We were horrible. "Yeah."

Oh how I wish I could have seen Mister's face! I can only imagine how the color probably drained from his skin and how far his mouth may have dropped. I was turned to Michael, trying desperately to hide my grin.

We talked a bit about how she had probably had it for a year and that they hadn't talked about treatment and oh man how that sucked. We changed the subject eventually and Mister was pretty silent. He started hitting the beer pretty hard.

A couple of hours later, we finally let him in on the fun. "Did you really think we would just talk about that in front of everyone?"

"Oh thank God!" Mister was too relieved to be mad at us. "I almost threw up!"

I thought I was pretty bad. But you take the cake, Doah!

She called her and told her that her son, Ms. Mohammed’s husband, had been arrested by American and Iraqi soldiers.
When she got the news, Ms. Mohammed’s mother-in-law gasped and said she was about to faint. So Ms. Mohammed quickly told her that it was only a prank, and the two women laughed — it was, after all, April Fools’ Day.

Heart,
Aunt Bee