She Said, "I'm Ready for You."

Clover
Originally uploaded by YourAuntBee.

I'm getting all excited about the new Pearl Jam CD being released on May 2!

I was reading Austin Scagg's interview Eddie Vedder in Rolling Stone.

Scaggs asked Vedder:

What do you remember about your first gig, as Mookie Blaylock?

Mookie BlaylocK??? He's only one of my favorite University of Oklahoma basketball players.

I know I'm no super fan, but I just can't believe it's taken me this long to find this tidbit of information

Fans of the basketball player, the band Pearl Jam was originally named "Mookie Blaylock", but were forced to change. They settled on naming their debut album Ten after Blaylock's jersey number.

That's fifteen years in the dark!

Oh man. Fifteen years? I'm really old!

I Am the Storm and I Am the Wonder

Clouds
Originally uploaded by YourAuntBee.

My day wasn't the greatest.

First, there was the whole hail debacle.

Then, my car was pulling to the right and feeling funny in turns. I take a look and my tire looks a little flat.

When I get down to get some air in the tire, there is no cap on the valve. Are you kidding me?

I buy some caps and then the tire isn't taking air right. So I'm pretty sure I have a bum tire. We'll see how it is tomorrow.

Just as I was getting ready to leave work, the tornado sirens started blaring. "Great. Just great.

I took a peek at the radar and listened to the weathermen. The rotation was actually pretty far from us and the weather dudes didn't seem too worried.

The girls in the drive didn't share the same calm attitude.

So, sweet and charming doll that I am, I volunteered to hang out with them.

It didn't take long for the sky to just start pouring rain. The streets around us flooded in like two seconds.

But it's just rain. Sure, it's hard to drive in and pouring so hard that you can't see, but it's not going to damage your car.

Yet we still had people decide to park under our drive-thru roof. While we're still open!

We tried to get their attention, but were ignored. So I headed out into the downpour.

"Sir," I said, with my hair and clothes plastered to my skin. "We're still open, so we'll need you to move, please."

"THERE'S GOLF BALL-SIZED HAIL AT OUR HOUSE!"

It turns out the woman in the lane next to him was his wife.

"I understand. My car is getting hailed on, too, but--"

"I BET YOU HAVE FULL COVERAGE! YOU HAVE FULL COVERAGE, DON'T YOU???"

"Sir, you need to move your car. You are blocking the lane for our customers."

"@#&%!" Angry Guy exclaims and gives his wife a mobile phone. He reverses out and wifey just sits in my lane.

"Ma'am, I'm sorry but--"

Then Angry Guy throws his car into reverse and nearly backs over me. "SHE'S NOT LEAVING UNTIL I FIND A PLACE FOR HER TO BE SAFE!"

"She's welcome to wait in the parking lot, but I need this lane open."

And these aren't the only people I had to chase away!

Seriously! If it was really hot outside, would you walk into a bank when it was open, and lock the doors so that nobody could get in just to keep yourself from getting hot? No! So what makes people think they can use our drive-through when we're still open?

I guess the day wasn't all bad. I did get a raise.

But with people like that, I freakin' deserve that raise!

Hail to the Thief

Dimples
Originally uploaded by YourAuntBee.

This morning, I don't have to be at work until eleven. I stayed up way too late reading so I was looking forward to getting the sleep I needed.

Mother Nature had other plans.

At a quarter past seven, I jumped straight up out of bed. I heard a giant crack of thunder, similar to the ones that woke me up in Lawrence.

I went into the living room to turn on the television to see what the radar looked like.

Just as I turned it on, the weatherman was saying "Large hail is coming."

The green part of the storm had not even hit my area, yet right after he made his warning, I heard a crack.

Not just a ping or click, but a crack. Followed by a thud!

The cat flipped out and I cowered away from the windows. I have giant windows and that hail sounded like it wanted to shatter them.

One of my windows is covered by an awning, so I gathered the courage to take a peek. There was definitely golf ball-sized hail pounding the vehicles in the parking lot.

"Oh no!" I thought. "The Buick!"

Once the rain and hail let up, I slipped into my slaps and headed out with the camera.

The hail had melted a bit, but was still quite large.

From a distance, The Buick looked fine. None of the windows were shattered.

I started to think I was blessed. I had The Croc for years and she showed really no discernable sign of hail damage. Maybe that luck had contiuned with a new car?

Then I actually got up to the trunk. I could see right away I hadn't fared so well.

I've had The Buick for a month and already have large dents from hail.

As I'm writing this, we're getting another deluge with a little hail mixed in.

This is what happens when you start paying all the car bills, huh?

Sweetness, Sweetness, I was Only Joking

RAAAAAAAAAAAAW in B&W
Originally uploaded by YourAuntBee.

Last night, Raw and I went to Sumo for dinner.

As at most Japanese grills, the chef saved some shrimp for the end of the show.

He looked around at our table and asked "Who's playing?"

He tossed a piece of shrimp at one person and it flew right into her mouth. He went down the table and nearly everyone caught the shrimp.

Raw and I didn't want to play the game in the first place. But after watching everyone catch it, we were feeling too inadequate to play.

The man sitting to Raw's left missed his shrimp. Then there was one piece of shrimp left.

"Who wants it? Who's playing?"

We both pointed to the man and said "He wants another try!"

The chef points at Raw and says "She wants it!"

Raw gave me a look. The chef must have seen it, so he tried to reassure her.

"Don't worry. With a mouth that big, I can't miss!"

And then he proceeded to miss.

I'm Confused

Kansas Cliffs
Originally uploaded by YourAuntBee.

Overheard this weekend:

"I swear she must've bought a dozen!"

"I only bought twelve!"

Change to Me and Keep the Change

Sophia and Murphy
Originally uploaded by YourAuntBee.

Yesterday, Raw was in Newton with the bambina, so I headed up north to hang out with the Jasos.

Sophia is proving to be just as lazy as she was last time I saw her. She is drooling more, though. And didn't puke on me.

Tom and Mary took us to Pizza Hut for dinner, where it was buffet night.

Buffet night always brings out the best people: college kids, families planning weddings, greasy couples; all kinds of people looking for a cheap, yet tasty stuffing.

Raw and I were at the buffet, which sits close to the cash register when we heard the cashier complaing.

"What's wrong?" Someone asked.

"Well, they said to keep the change, but there is no change!"

No Comprende. It's a Riddle.

Nadia in B&W
Originally uploaded by YourAuntBee.

Friday night, I picked up some food to take to Jacque's for dinner.

I'd always wanted to try Dona Lupe's, and I had a hankerin' for authentic chile rellenos, so I figured I'd try it out.

When I paid for the food, the cashier gave me the total in Spanish.

I was confused. Did he not speak any English? It was a good thing I could see the total!

"Can I write a check for that?"

"Sure," he said in English. "That will be $15.58."

I wondered why he switched languages on me. Then I had an idea. I called Nadia immediately.

"I think he thought I was Mexican! See? I told you I'm brown!"

"Okay. You keep dreaming."

"Mexicano es mio!!!"

You Put a Gun in My Hand

Zoo
Originally uploaded by YourAuntBee.

Another thing that drives me crazy about reading the paper is the The Opinion Line.

I don't know what it is about these one-sentence blurbs that gets me going so easily.

Sometimes, they strike me as funny.

As a minority living in a racist state like Kansas, I'm glad they passed the concealed-carry law.

But then others just really piss me off.

For those of you who are so opposed to the concealed-carry law: No one is going to make you carry a weapon.

Not the point, dude. Not the point.

Relax. Don't Do It.

CUTENESS
Originally uploaded by YourAuntBee.

This is why I don't read the news anymore. It just gets me too riled up.

Kathy Martin is a member of the Kansas Board of Education. She happens to be from my hometown.

Normally, when someone from my hometown makes the national news, I'm excited.

When Kathy Martin makes the news, I cringe.

Martin made herself rather infamous during the Kansas Evolution Hearings. As a supporter of Intelligent Design, she was quoted many times in the media.

"Evolution has been proven false. ID [intelligent design] is science-based and strong in facts," says Kathy Martin, member of Kansas Board of Education subcommittee evaluating the state's science standards.
Mrs. Martin, who admitted friendly-like to an intelligent design witness that she hadn't read the existing standards word-for-word either -- that is, the standards which she and the other members of the board are supposed to approve or modify -- came up with another gem at the conclusion of the subcommittee hearings: She said that "evolution is an unproven, often disproven theory."
Quivis

What we're saying is that the neo- Darwinism and some of the materialistic explanations of evolution have led young folks away from Christianity and their beliefs.
PBS

Now, Martin wants the sex education in Kansas to be "Just Say No."

She has proposed that schools should teach only abstinence and any schools who teach anything more could lose their accreditation.

What the hell has Kansas turned into?

I won't even get started on my strong belief in the separation of church and state (Really, I won't but it's in the Constitution! If you're a member of the government, you are free to practice any religion you choose, but you can't be pushing your religion onto others by passing laws and such, no matter how good your intentions are!).

This proposal is just ignorant. I'm not sure what kind of dream world the conservatives in Kansas are living in, but this stuff is just not going to fly.

Sure, in some sort of no-sex utopia, there would of course be lower rates of pregnancy and STDs.

The fact is, people are going to have sex before they get married. Without information, the consequences of pre-marital sex can be disastrous.

I've known people whose parents did not allow them to take sex ed. I've known more people who did take sex ed. Guess which group has asked me questions like "Can I get pregnant during oral sex?"

"If we're truthful and we arm them with a little bit more information, that's just smart."
Candee Stuchlik
Heights High School
The Wichita Eagle

Martin also provides a metaphor to help explain her position.

"We don't say, 'We know you're not going to fasten your seat belt or go the speed limit, so here's a road over here that you can drive on,' "
The Wichita Eagle

We also don't say "Don't drive until you've got somebody to sit shotgun and a child seat in the back."

Until the Birds Return

Storms
Originally uploaded by YourAuntBee.

Today I did some cleaning.

I'm not going to lie and say I accomplished a lot. My cleaning process is excruciatingly slow and really never ends. And most of you know that.

But what does it say about the regularity of my cleaning when this happens:

"What are you doing?"

"I'm cleaning."

"Is someone coming to visit?"

This is a conversation I've had with three people today. Maybe I should just get a maid.

I Bleed Complimentary Colors

RAWRRR!
Originally uploaded by YourAuntBee.

I've never been very good at taking compliments.

It's not your normal "Oh stop. You're too much!" reaction. There's no blushing or coy smile.

I usually just play it off with an "Of course I am!"

Last night, Mary told me that I looked pretty and I laughed.

"No, really! You have a glow tonight!"

"Maybe I'm pregnant, now, too! Can you help me out? Can I move in?"

That got quite a laugh, but it probably would've been better of me to just say "Thank you!"

What's great about Tom and Mary is I think that if I really did need it, they'd do anything they could to help. They are a great family and have gone above and beyond in helping others.

ps--I'm totally totally not pregnant. It was just a joke. I repeat: It was just a joke!

Can't You Smell That Smell?

This is a Joke, Right?
Originally uploaded by YourAuntBee.

I just smelled something in the air.

My first thought was "Is that pee?"

My second?

"Or is it buttered popcorn?"

And you all wonder why I never eat popcorn!