To a Calypso Beat All the While

Michael and Staci

So it's been more than a little disturbing to me that more than a few of my hippie friends and acquaintances are all up on Ron Paul's nuts. As in: many of you actually WANT this looney to be president. And are WORKING to get him elected. So herebelow (is that a word?) are Michael's Top Ten Reasons NOT to Vote for Dr. No. Feel free to argue with me. AND THEN BE SHOT DOWN, BEE-YOTCH!

1. He's rabidly anti-choice. Which, of course, goes against that whole libertarian thing...
2. No more government health care. As in Medicare when you're old. And Medicaid when you're poor or otherwise down on your luck. Ahem, hippies!
3. Goodbye Department of Education! Who wants to go to college anyway?!?
4. Deportation of 10 to 20 MILLION people. Do you know how much goddamn money it would waste to hunt down, arrest, and deport even a quarter of these folks?!?
5. Goodbye Department of Transportation! I do hate driving, but how else am I gonna see starfish and the rest of the gang...
6. Goodbye EPA! Would you like to breathe the air in Pittsburg circa 1915? How 'bout drink the water from wells around Love Canal in the early 1970s? I love black lung! And drinking arsenic! Vote Dr. No!
7. Goodbye Social Security! Hello working until you're 95...
8. Guns, guns everywhere! Most of the morons who argue against gun control are from the hinterlands, where guns are used for hunting and little else. Fine. I'm from there and...whatever. But I've also lived in a few other places (North Oakland/South Berkeley) where a little bit of gun control would be appreciated.
9. Home schooling. Seriously: Do any of you know a home-schooled kid who is even REMOTELY normal?!?
10. No more foreign aid. You think that his stance against the Iraq war is motivated by the same morals you hold? Think again. Ol' Dr. No doesn't want ANY money going overseas--for good or evil/questionable purposes. So: No more fighting AIDS in Africa. Or family planning in Asia. Or providing farming aid to Central America. Granted, we've always tied strings to our foreign aid, and I'm by no means arguing that our moneys are always distributed properly and fairly (read: Israel). But come on, folks! Do you think we woulda conquered malaria in most parts of the world without the CDC? Reduced the global birthrate without USAID? Gimme a break...

So there you have it. I could probably write another 20 reasons to steer clear of Dr. No, but you get the point: RON PAUL IS A CRAZY PERSON! It's great that he's on the right side of the war and most civil liberties issues, but...that's really it. Go to his website. Read his stances on the issues. And then if you're not totally turned off, think about whether or not any of it would actually work. Or even get a hearing in Congress. Or be held up by the SCOTUS.

And with that, my friends, I leave you to the real choice of choosing among Clinton, Edwards, and Obama. If you put down the joint and actually even vote, that is...

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