Special Holiday Only for Me

This is Supposed to Be a Picture of the People Having Sex By the Love Sculpture

The last thing Casey said to me that night was "Take care of her."

The first thing Raw said to me after Casey left was "Kill me!"

You see, Raw had developed a case of the hiccups. Normally, to get rid of them, Casey strangles her.

I know. It sounds horrible. It doesn't look awesome, either. Which is why I wasn't so keen on trying to strangle her. So I had other methods. I screamed at her to stop. "LOOK INTO MY EYES! DO IT! HICCUP! ARE YOU SCARED? HICCUP RIGHT NOW!!!"

And she did.

I punched her really hard when she wasn't looking. She looked at me with a pained expression and said "Ow!"

Then she hiccupped.

Nothing seemed to help, but I wasn't going to strangle her.

We finished our drinks and decided to head back to the hotel. "Is Twelfth and Baltimore this way?"

The guy on the corner told us we were heading in the right direction. We ended up as part of a large crowd of people trying to make their way back to their own cars or hotels. We came face-to-face with a wedding party. The man up front yelled "ATTENTION EVERYONE!"

Everyone looked at him but he left us hanging. He had nothing to say. Someone behind us started yelling and soon everyone else joined in. "WOOOOOOO!"

I still don't understand what that was all about.

We walked into the hotel and and went down the stairs to the bar. Because we really needed another drink!

"Do you have Kahlua?" I asked the bartender. I was afraid Kansas City was all out. The bartender looked at me like I was crazy and assured me they did.

We sat down and I ordered a beer for Raw and a Black Russian for me. I watched the bartender pour the liquor and then saw him going off to a side room. "No cream! No cream!"

I'm pretty sure I offended him. He knew what he was doing and the drink was awesome! But I'd rather him be offended than take the risk and end up drinking cream!

Raw and I had our one drink and decided we were hungry. We made our way up to the room and called room service. "Is there any way I can get French fries?"

"If they're on the Late-Night Menu, sure!"

They weren't.

I ordered the hummus and a B.L.T. Soon the phone rang. "This is room service. We're out of the hummus."

We were really excited about the hummus. So we were really disappointed. "Did you want something else? We're out of wraps, too."

"Is there any way I can get some French fries?" I really wanted French fries!

"Well, what we have are chips that are hand-cut and fried."

"Uh huh. But no French fries."

"I'm sorry. The kitchen is closed."

"So how do you cook the bacon?"

Continue reading this series.

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