And It's Only You, Who Can Turn My Wooden Heart

Jacob was in town doing his Christmas shopping today and called me up to see if I was free for dinner.

We met up at The Anchor. We ordered a couple of drinks, a couple of sandwiches and started chatting.

The Anchor, though it has good food and is a cool place to just hang out, is still a bar. And like most bars, it's a pretty noisy place. I'm pretty deaf and apparently Jacob is, too. Plus, we're getting pretty old. We did have to repeat ourselves now and then.

And yet somehow, I was able to stop Jacob in the middle of his sentence to tell him they were playing Radiohead. I know, it was rude, but how often do you hear Radiohead at a bar?

"I'm sorry! I love Radiohead!"

Jacob understood. He and I then discussed the new album.

I had to interrupt again. Now someone was playing Portishead!

I really fell in love with these two bands my first year in Lawrence. Their CDs are two of a few of my CDs that I pretty much wore out that year. Turns out leaving a CD on repeat isn't the greatest treatment for CDs.

Hearing both of these bands right in a row was awesome. I'm pretty sure hearing Tool would have blown my mind.

Embarrassingly enough, I'm pretty sure hearing Chumbawamba would have done it.

You May Hate Me, but I'll Remember to Love You

I hate it when I get a song stuck in my head.

Usually, I don't know why the song is even in my head. I'll be singing "Jingle Bells" in March and have no clue what started it.

The song in my head today wasn't a complete mystery. I had listened to the song last night. But I heard it as I was concentrating on something else. I only heard it once and it's not like it was the last song I heard last night.

I woke up and listened to music like I usually do. And on the way to work, same thing.

But for some reason, the song from last night was stuck in my head. I'd catch myself humming the tune to myself now and then. Even while talking to customers, I could hear Rachel Yamagata singing the song over and over.

Is it ironic, then, that the song that filled my head and wouldn't die down is titled "Quiet?"

Like a Chasm in the Night

Dear Drivers of Wichita,

I'm getting tired of having to write you these letters. Please can you learn to drive so I don't have to?

We live in Kansas. We get all kinds of weather here. This doesn't mean you have to turn into a scaredy cat. Nor do you have to turn into some crazy kamikaze driver, either.

But when there's just a tiny bit of moisture on the road, you don't have to drive twenty miles per hour down the flyover. Really. It's okay. There is a middle ground!

It's called careful, yet confident.

And you know, even if you really feel like you have to drive that slow, can you stay in the right lane? That would help out the drivers like me.

But do you know what would really help? It would help if you would turn your headlights on.

Yes I'm writing directly to you dumbass! You can't go speeding down Kellogg, in the dark, while it's snowing with no lights on!

I COULD HAVE BEEN KILLED!

Please take this into consideration. I'm not ready to die yet.

Thank you. Enjoy your snowmen.

Heart,
Aunt Bee

Spend Some Time in America!

I'm having trouble getting people to understand the trauma I went through at lunch today, so I thought I'd make some visual aids.

I went to Taco Bell and ordered my usual; a spicy chicken burrito with no onions. It's always an adventure. Sometimes I end up with onions anyway. Once, I didn't have any rice.

Today, I ended up with quite a concoction. I took my first bite and it was all tortilla. That happens now and then, so it wasn't a big deal.

But when my second bite was again all carbs, I got worried. Did they decide to hold my meat and sauce, too? This is a lovely artist's interpretation on what I was looking at when I peered inside the burrito:

As I contionued my way down, I realized I had encountered the rare burrito that has been rolled the wrong way. Let me explain.

Normally, when making a burrito, the ingredients are placed on the tortilla as seen below.

Sometimes the ingredients are all piled on top of each other. But the main goal is that, after the burrito is rolled, all the ingredients combine.

If you had X-Ray vision and looked through the top of the perfect burrito, you would see something like this:

This results in a pleasurable eating experience because, with each bite, you get a little bit of everything. The tasty layers may look something like illustrated here:

Obviously, something had gone terribly wrong with the making of my burrito. It didn't take me long to figure out the problem. My tortilla was rolled the opposite way.

Do you see what a catastrophe this is? Instead of rolling it to combine the tastiness, it kept each flavor separate. Do you see how far they're spaced out?

The flavors were lonely!

I'm pretty sure Taco Bell is just screwing with me because I always ask for a spork. Next time, they'll probably roll it inside-out!

I Was Shaking Like a Leaf

Bret is not the biggest guy in the world. But his belches are.

The kid can push them out on command. Not that anyone ever commands. We don't have to; he's always burping.

Tonight, he came up the stairs and rattled the walls in his usual way.

"Hmm. When did I have popcorn?"

Take a Look Around, Look What I Found

Woah.

Do Ya Think We Oughta Oughta?

I guess there are few people outside my family who know what Ottabin hair is.

My dad came home one night from work when I was pretty young. "Hey, did you do something to your hair?"

"No."

"You look like you have Ottabin hair today!"

"What?"

"Ottabin! Oughta been on a dog's butt!"

Stuff like that is funny in my family.

I also like puns. My friend Jackson and I spent a whole night looking around his room and trying to be "punny." No really. A whole night. Yes, we were sober!

The other night, I found out Jacque likes to be punny, too. She was making me lasagne for dinner.

"Should I put oregano or parsley on the garlic bread?" She asked.

"Definitely oregano."

"Oregano will!"

You know. She made it sound like "I reckon I will!"

I know. Sometimes I think my friends and I will laugh at anything!

All My Friends Tell Me I'm a Basketcase

It's Repeal Day?

I'd better get started celebrating!

And Made Me Smile for More

Hey Kids! It's time for a new installment I like to call Tab Tuesdays!

You see, my poor browser gets full of links I want to share. I'm always too lazy to write about them and if I don't post the links, I end up closing the tab at some point. Then these gems are lost forever!

I've decided to designate Tuesdays as the day I'm going to clean all that crap out. I can't say it's going to be too exciting or life enriching. Plus my "installments" never last very long. But here we go!

We wants an elephant for Christmas!

And a pony!

And a new ball!

I already got some of these. AND I NEED MORE! I NEED MY FIX!

A Little Closer Let Me See You in the Spotlight

I'm thinking about chopping off my hair.

Not that I ever do my hair or anything anyway. I'm pretty bad about neglecting it and just throwing it into a ponytail.

Sometimes I fantasize about having long flowing locks down to my knees. But the last couple of nights, I've been pretending I have short hair while looking in the mirror. I think I look hot.

But I know if I do it, I'll just end up with Ottabin hair.

The Beating of My Heart is a Drum and It’s Lost and It’s Looking for a Rhythm Like You

I just saw this commercial on TV and immediately told my pal, John Doe.

"I just saw an Air Supply burger on TV!"

"I get the impression, it's not supposed to get the reaction we had. I think you are supposed to want the OTHER burger."

And Where is the Harmony?

Funny!

Not funny!

It's Unnatural

I just heard "End of the Road" by Boyz II Men. That song always makes me laugh a little bit because it was my Eighth Grade Promotion song.

You see, back in the day, my hometown went a little crazy when it was time for the eighth graders to move on to high school. We had a "promotion ceremony" and then a dance that was better than what some high schools had for prom.

Each year, the Student Council would choose a song to be the theme of the dance. When ours chose "End of the Road" I thought it was kid of silly. End of what road? All we were doing was going to a school a few blocks away where we would have another four years hanging out with the same people.

But now that I look back, I realize it wasn't all that silly.

We really were coming to an end. Our class would be the last eighth graders to be promoted from McKinley. A new school had been built and everything would be moved there over the summer.

It was also the end of how I would define my friendships. All through Junior High, I swore I had thirteen best friends. Then in high school, we just quit hanging out. My circle of friends expanded, but I always knew I had maybe two or three I could really call my best friends.

It wasn't what I was expecting. I thought we would be friends forever but things turned awkward really quickly. I don't know if I came to some sort of understanding of the world or what. But the Promotion dance would be the last night we would be friends like that.

Also, come on! This song was awesome!

Yes. Their clothes are badass!

Take a Look Around, Look What I Found

I haven't quite put my finger on what emotions this video evokes. I think there's definitely some bewilderment; who would even think of something like this?

I'm feeling a lot of amazement, too; this is somehow beautiful and brilliant!