Would You Like Some Dog Coffee?

Coffee and Rock
Originally uploaded by YourAuntBee.

Last year, I was really obsessed with Pumpkin Spice Lattes from Starbucks. And the Eggnog Lattes. But this story is about the Pumpkin Spice ones.

Apparently, normal people don't like things like Eggnog and Pumpkin year-round, so I've been without my favorite lattes for awhile.

A few weeks ago, one of the girls from Starbucks came into the bank and made sure someone told me they had the Pumpkin Spice back. Finally!

The problem is, it's been friggin' hot! I just can't get excited about drinking something the same temperature as the air I'm breathing.

Today finally felt like autumn. There was a definite chill in he air and it wasn't even seventy degrees!

It was finally Latte time!

Cassie made the trip up to get my special drink because she loves me. When she finally brought it in, I had been in the back by myself for quite some time and was bored. So I tried to coax her back.

"Hey Cassie! This is my first Pumpkin Spice Latte this year!"

As usual, everyone was ignoring me. So I swirled the cup a bit and raised it to my lips. "Hey! This smells like hot dog! I didn't order no Hot Dog Latte!"

Beggars can't be choosers, I guess.

I Was no Longer Amused by my Dream

Becky Like Nun
Originally uploaded by YourAuntBee.

I rarely watch television¹, but lately I've seen several commercials for both satellite and cable services.

Is it just me or do these things feel like political ads?

Like political ads, there's lots of mudslinging². And let's not forget the fact that both sides are spewing the same stuff.

"With cable/satellite, you don't get very many channels!"

"Your cable/satellite always goes out, doesn't it?"

"Cable/satellite hates your guts!"

Like political ads, these commercials are quite conflicting, confusing and bound to numb your mind.

However, unlike the way political ads discourage people from voting, I don't think these commercials will keep people from watching television.

¹Yes. This would be a total lie.

²Is this really a word? Look at it! Can it really be spelled that way?

Welcome to the Jungle

Evan
Originally uploaded by YourAuntBee.

A few weeks ago, Jacque called me up and said those scary six words:

"Will you do me a favor?"

Don't get me wrong, I'm cool with doing favors. "Do me a favor and pass the salt."

It's when someone specifically calls you and asks for the favor in a somewhat doomsday tone that I get nervous.

"Oh, God. No. Okay what?"

"If I go into labor and Chris can't make it in time, can I come pick you up on the way to the hospital?"

That didn't seem like such a big deal to me, but I had to laugh. She wanted to pick me up on the way?

"Of course you can. But um . . . I can come pick you up, you know."

"No no no! There may not be time! You can just drive from your place when I get there."

So it was set in stone. I was the official back-up driver. What a big responsibility!

I've spent the last few weeks gearing myself up to wake right away to her ringtone. I've been having trouble sleeping and wake up to every little noise.

Friday, I was up late and didn't go to bed until 1:30 AM. I guess that would be Saturday morning, but you catch my drift.

I always set approximately ten alarms when I go to bed. It's not so much that I can't get up to one alarm. I've done it before. I'm just paranoid that maybe one won't go off or somehow I'll be so tired that I'll sleep through it. Therefore, the ten alarms, a bunch on my phone and one alarm clock.

Sometime after going to bed, my phone started ringing. I remember waking up and thinking "It's already morning?" I don't remember what the sound was or even what I did to turn the sound off, but I remember waking.

Apparently, I slept for awhile more, because at 2:50 AM, I jumped awake, thinking "My other alarms didn't go off! I'm going to be late for work!"

I looked at the clock and was totally confused. I wasn't sure if the clock was wrong or if I had dreamed about the phone alarm sounding.

I found my phone under the pillow and saw the light was blinking. Immediately, I knew I was in trouble. Then I saw I had a missed call and it was from Jacque. Whoops!

Luckily, the message was all about how Chris was taking her to the birthing center. So I'd skirted a "I had to have my baby in the bathroom!" catastrophe. Phew!

Of course, now I was totally awake. Could it be the long-awaited kiddo was finally showing up? I couldn't get back to sleep, so I did what any sane person would do and wrote a letter to the baby.

I finally fell back to sleep at somewhere around 5:30 and was up at seven, doing laundry and wondering what was happening.

Work took my mind off the baby for a little while. Why does everyone in the world decide to come to the bank on Saturday mornings?

As soon as we locked the doors, I pulled my phone out of my bag to see that I had missed yet another call from Jacque's mobile. I assumed everything was over, so I called back.

Chris answered and I rushed into "What's going on? Do you have a baby?"

"She's actually doing that right now. Can we call you back?"

"Of course of course bye!" And I laughed--what was he doing answering the phone?

So I waited and waited and waited to hear what was happening. I think maybe I napped for a minute or two. Then I finally got a call from Jacque. She sounded tired but was prepared for me to come visit.

And here's the part where we all take a great sigh of relief that I wasn't the driver. I passed that stupid place five times before I realized it! There's great big letters on the building that say "BIRTHING CENTER." I think maybe I'm half-blind.

Jacque's mom was holding Evan when I walked in and Chris was trying to catch up on his sleep. I had all these thoughts of how tired and dead Jacque was going to look because that's friggin hard work, pushing out a baby!

Much to my surprise, Jacque looked really good! I mean, she wasn't all primped like she was going out on the town, or anything, but she looked a bazillion times better than I expected. Maybe squeezing kids out isn't as hard as I thought!

Another surprise was Evan's hair. It's curly and blond like his momma's. And there's a ton of it!

Now, I'm no big fan of babies. Newborns, especially, scare the crap out of me. I've never even held a baby on the day it was born, but for some reason, me and Evan was tight!

I picked him up and he just looked at me for awhile. That kid must be an old soul. Most babies, after being in the womb and staring at nothing but Mommy's insides all day, find seeing so much other stuff scary. They'll keep their eyes closed. But not Evan. He had his eyes wide open and was checking out everything.

He hadn't even slept since he'd been born. He had to be worn out, but was just so interested, he had to stay awake.

I did get him to fall asleep. I thought that was very Auntieish of me. "Yeah, he was just waiting to see me before he took a nap."

I handed Evan over to Grandma, so she could rock him, and listened to all the details; Jacque didn't like the mirror, but loved the drugs and Chris got a leg cramp.

I didn't want to stay too long. I knew everyone needed some rest before the rest of the world came to see them. So I snapped a few pictures, and started packing my stuff.

"I keep telling Jacque she's really got a friend in you!" Grandma Kooz said.

"Yeah right! I'm such a great friend, I don't answer I'm-Going-Into-Labor calls when I'm the backup driver! Yay me!"

Hey, Now When I'm Knocking on your Door

Jacque and Baby Fed
Originally uploaded by YourAuntBee.

"Hey it's Jacque.

"It's about ten after two. I just wanted to let you know we're heading in.

"I think my water broke. We'll find out if I was wrong!

"Okay. Talk to you later! Bye."

So I'll Wait for You where I Always Wait

In Baby Fed's Room
Originally uploaded by YourAuntBee.

Yesterday was the day Baby Fed was supposed to start breathing fresh air.

Baby Fed apparently has other plans.

I got off work early and headed north to hang out with Jacque. She was trying everything to get the baby out, short of yanking him by the arm.

My brother was born the day after my mother ate pizza. So, since jumping jacks and rubbing nerves wasn't working, we ordered some.

Jacque's cousin, Jill, came over and joined in the feast. I had a good time, but was distracted. Every time Jacque grabbed at her belly, I was certain it was all starting.

At the end of the evening, Jill headed out and said "Thanks for the pizza!"

"Well, I figured if the baby wasn't going to come, we'd have something delivered tonight!"

Honey, the Road'll Even End in Kathmandu

Jordan
Originally uploaded by YourAuntBee.

There's a Mexican restaurant in the town where my grandparents live. It's quite authentic and really tasty. It's called "El Charro."

A few years ago, when traveling through a town near Wichita, my family and I saw another El Charro, and decided to stop for a bite to eat. We were surprised to see a buffet set up with enchiladas, beans, rice, taco ingredients and fried chicken with mashed potatoes and gravy? What kind of El Charro was this?

The food was far from the quality we were used to at the other El Charro and I won't even tell you about the condition of the bathroom. It was bad. Really really bad.

Saturday, Raw and Casey were in Newton to visit her parents. They called me up and invited me to dinner.

I made the trip up and met Raw, Casey and her parents at their home. James was also there with his son, Jordan. We headed off to "some new Mexican restaurant in town."

We pulled up to the restaurant and I saw a big sign saying "Welcome to El Charro!"

"Uh oh. Hey Raw . . . remember that restaurant I told you about with the bathroom? That was an El Charro. Let's hope this one is like my grandparents' El Charro!"

Well, this El Charro landed somewhere between the two. It was still pretty far on the bad side, though.

We should've listened to the waitress who did everything but outright tell us to leave.

We munched on chips and salsa for awhile. James left the table and Casey scooted a bowl of salsa closer to Jordan. "Here. Drink this."

We all laughed. Mary told Casey to stop being so bad. We continued to wait for our food. And wait and wait and wait.

James came back with a White Russian (ew) and joined in the conversation.

After awhile, we noticed Jordan stick his straw into his salsa. "No no no! Casey was just kidding! It's too hot, Jordan, no!"

But you know how kids are. They're not going to listen. So he waits for awhile and then, when no one is really paying attention, he starts to suck the salsa down.

Jordan shrugged, smiled and said "That's hot!" Then continued to drink salsa. We couldn't get him to stop, either. He wanted to drink all the salsa on the table.

I'm thinking maybe there was cocaine or something in the salsa because, after dinner, that kid went nuts! He suddenly had insane amounts of energy!

We all went back to Tom and Mary's and his energy level stayed at high. And, like with any kid, the later it got, his crankiness oozed through.

Jordan started playing on the recliner; sliding up and down the footrest. When Casey came back to relcaim his seat, Jordan had his first little fit of the night.

"Nooooooo! NOOOOOO! I want to sit there!!!"

Casey's not one to give in to whining.

"Nope. This is my seat. You can just quit. We don't cave in to whining around here."

When Jordan decided to try the lip-tremble tactic, Casey asked him "Are you a crybaby?"

Jordan is just as stubborn as Casey. "No!"

He then sat there for a minute, scoping Casey out before he looked around the room and suddenly started full-out bawling.

Casey's response?

Laughing, pointing and "Haha! You are a crybaby! Crybaby! Crybaby!"

I can't argue with that one!

Yes, Resting on Their Conscience

First Computer
Originally uploaded by YourAuntBee.

I realized as I wrote the previous post that I write the way my brother eats.

I dive into it pretty voraciously. Then I start to feel like I need a little rest. So I'll stop and stare at the TV for awhile.

After awhile, I hop back into it, a little less savagely. Then, man! Is it time to rest again, or what?

This back and forth goes on for awhile until finally, I just get too tired and peter out.

And by the way, just where does the term "panty-waisted" come from and what the hell does it mean?

My Lovely Lady Lumps

My Wet Hump
Originally uploaded by YourAuntBee.

Today was quite a day.

It was the first day using our new computers and system. We were all pretty nervous about it because, not only is it different from the way we used to do things, we also weren't allowed to practice for two weeks.

So with the way my brain has been retaining information lately, this was like jumping in with no experience.

When I arrived at work today, the place way super quiet. Everyone already had that air of "Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God!!!"

We have two "experts" hanging out with us, to help answer questions while we get used to the new system. It took about five minutes before Nadia had informed them that one would have to stand next to her all day.

But really, things went pretty well. I think everyone actually balanced and maybe even did things correctly.

The most exciting part of the day is when Nadia decided she needed a cheeseburger. Not that it's unusual. Nadia always thinks she needs a cheeseburger.

So Merlin took everyone's order and then sent me to get the grub.

I made my way to Wendy's and everything was going superb; I had remembered to get everything just right and the food was done quickly.

I gathered and packed the much needed nourishment into The Croc and headed back to work.

Narrowly, I missed getting sideswiped by some crazy lady on the way back and then almost got t-boned in the parking lot. With a great sigh of relief, I parked The Croc and prepared to haul the slop inside.

I grabbed my bag and swung it onto my shoulder. Somehow, in the swinging process, my bag caught the iced tea and tipped it. Of course the lid was a piece of crap and flew off, letting the freezing cold liquid and ice splash all over the seat. And of course onto my ass.

Oh boy was I happy!

I closed the door and went to the drive-thru. I waited patiently in line, and when it was my turn, I hopped out of The Croc and shoved my ass at the window. "What do you think of this???"

Allie's initial response was "Oh my God! Did she pee her pants???"

I shoved the food into the tray and headed home to change. I took a couple of pictures so you could imagine just how cold my ass was, being this drenched.

All I can think of when looking at this picture is how incredibly dirty that mirror is!

And Then Your Friends Will All Go Green

Lasagne Sandwich
Originally uploaded by YourAuntBee.

Man I dig lasagne!

I've always had crazy eating habits. I think it started with sticking my black olives on my fingertips.

The insanity progressed with the way I absent-mindedly ate each food on my plate one-at-a-time, always ending up with the food I liked most. Beans, taco, rice. Pancakes, bacon, eggs. Hot dog, french fries, fruit.

And heaven help us if the food was touching! I had to make canyons between my foods before I would eat them.

Except for the corn and potatoes. I had seen my Uncle David mix the two. Trusting his taste ever since the Crunch Sandwich, I tried it, and liked it! Other than that, I didn't mix food for quite awhile.

I didn't always have corn to mix with my potatoes and I don't eat gravy. I've always just added a little extra butter to my potatoes, and thus is the result for one of my big eyebrow-raising food feats.

In school, we always got one pat of butter. I used to make a little well for the butter, much as people do for their gravy. Soon, I discovered that if I put the butter in the well and then covered it with potatoes, I could get the butter to melt much faster.

One day, I noticed that if I smashed my potato pile just right, the butter would ooze out of the pile. It became a regular game to see just how far I could get it to squirt.

The school cafeteria is also where I formed a couple of other rather disgusting habits. Rather than just eat rolls and Jello like a normal person, I would pick the bread apart and end up rolling it into a ball.

And Jello was eaten right out of my hand. Well, more like inhaled. Because there's nothing funnier than watching stuff jiggle as it is vaccuumed into a mouth.

Rolls aren't the only thing I pick at. I don't really bite into anything. Sandwiches, hamburgers, Hot Pockets . . . if I'm not using a fork, I tear it with my fingers and then put it in my mouth.

French fries, I dip in mustard. Because, I flippin' love mustard, dude!

Speaking of dipping . . . If we happen to be sharing any sort of salsa, queso, fondue, etc and you double-dip? I'll cut you, man!

My favorite through my whole life has been lasagne. But even that holy Italian treasure can't be saved from my freakishness.

I've had lasagne for two birthday dinners in a week, which also means I've lived on birthday leftovers, so I've had plenty of practice at the lasagne ritual.

I first eat about one-third of the serving whole. I make sure to get a few perfect bites of the meal before I tear into it.

Then it's time for the dissection. I pull out all the noodles and eat them. They're really probably my favorite part, which is why I like to eat lasagne with Mitch. He likes the meat part so I get his noodles.

Once the noodles are gone, I pile the meat and cheese goo onto my bread. (Of course there's bread! There's always garlic bread with lasagne!)

For some reason, this ritual brought looks of shock from both my father and BJ.

While Dad's mouth hung open , staring at my concoction, I covered my masterpiece with my hand.

"You have been watching me eat like this for twenty-seven years, now! You can't seriously be surprised!"


Click here to see pictures from a more rowdy birthday dinner.

But there's just a Flat Line on your Cardiogram

Before Sneakster Snatched in B&W
Originally uploaded by YourAuntBee.

I can't seem to stop thinking about Katrina's aftermath. I keep reading and hearing and getting sadder and angrier.

The Boston Globe Online Edition is reporting 25,000 body bags are headed to New Orleans. According to Wikipedia, the population of New Orleans is around 485,000. That's 5% of New Orleans they're expecting to be dead.

I'm afraid if we don't get the victims out of there, there will be need for greater stockpiles of body bags. People will lose their will in situations like they are currenly living.

Humans deserve to go somewhere. They deserve to be able to take their children to a park. They should be able to take a deep breath and not choke on the stench of what's floating in the flood waters.

These are our fellow Americans. When did we decide we could treat people from other states like we're border patrolmen? "Go back! We don't want you here!"

Was I so naive to believe that the separatist movement ended when the Union won the Civil War? Are we not "One Nation, Under God" anymore? I think maybe it goes something like "This land is your land, this land is my land."

Well, at least the insurance companies are being heroic.

"Katrina survivors who are being told that their insurance won't cover them because 'it was a flood not a hurricane' that caused the damage and they (along with about 60% of folks in New Orleans and the Gulf region) don't have flood insurance."
Insurance Companies' Line: Katrina Wasn't a Hurricane
Doug Heller

And don't worry, there will be no interruption for the blank stare. We're well stocked with blinks and nods!

"'We had arrangements to airlift food by helicopter to these folks, and now the food is sitting in trucks because they won't let helicopters fly,' O'Shea said Friday afternoon."
Bush Visit Halts Food Delivery
Michelle Krupa
The Times Picayune

To put an end to my flabbergasted ranting, I'm stealing a quote from a friend.

I think that George [Bush] should take this as a sign. Like when he said "God chose me to be president!". This is God's way of saying, "Um, NO I DIDN'T!"

And Mitigation is Important to Our Agency

Drowning Trees in B&W
Originally uploaded by YourAuntBee.

Just when you're starting to have hope for the future of the press . . .

"Rupert Murdoch's attempts to retain control of his News Corp media empire got a boost yesterday after his ally, the Saudi investor Prince Alwaleed bin Talal, took a 5.5 per cent stake in the company's voting stock."
Saudi Prince Takes News Corp Stake
Saeed Shah
The Independent, Online Edition

After writing my last post, I found someone who wrote what I was having difficulty expressing:

"Negrin is one of the few politicians so far who has earned respect for his efforts. Blunt and plainspoken, he’s shown the quality so often missing from our politicians, and the one that made Rudy Giuliani a hero after 9/11: basic humanity. He seems as agonized as his city, and the simple fact that under extreme duress he demands immediate help instead of interminable promises shows him refreshingly normal. His remonstrations touch the same nerve many of us feel watching the delayed or inadequate rescue efforts. The same can’t be said for other politicians: Congressmen try to show their common bonds to the suffering people of the Gulf Coast, but the effect is strained and off-kilter. Though I often dream scientists have achieved an intravenous serum (composed of blood thinners and massive doses of chocolate ice cream) that will assist legislative members in pretending they still possess actual emotions, the injection has yet to prove a 100 percent success. The serum has been particularly ineffective in Speaker of the House Dennis Hastert, who shocks and horrifies everyone when he says New Orleans could never be rebuilt as it used to be and that, 'It looks like a lot of that place could be bulldozed.'"
Life Goes On
Tobias Seamon
The Morning News

Where is the inspiration? Certainly not in Barbara Bush. I've read reports that she actually chuckled in the middle of this quote.

"'And so many of the people in the arena here, you know, were underprivileged anyway,' she said, 'so this is working very well for them.'"
Barbara Bush Calls Evacuees Better Off
The New York Times on the Web

If you'd like something worth chuckling over, listen to the FEMA for Kids Rap.

A Thousand Talkers Whose Tongues were all Broken

Rainbow
Originally uploaded by YourAuntBee.

I'm terribly late to the show on this one. I have several excuses, but the reality is that I'm just so overwhelmed and confused that I just can't seem to get my thoughts into one cohesive sentence.

So please bear with me. In fact, it may be better if you don't read this at all. It's jumbly and half of what I want to say and I'm sure it's everything you've already heard from a thousand other voices.

I'm on vacation right now, so I've been sitting in front of the computer, reading things I never imagined. I'm looking at pictures of worlds I can only compare to images from science fiction movies.

Yesterday, I probably spent a whole hour staring at images on Flickr. The Mississippi coastline looks like Wichita after the ice storm. The trees are stripped bare of leaves and bark. Everything is monotone in shades of grey. And these were the least scary of the pictures.

I can't believe how many people have been left behind. It's unimaginable that a city that lies below sea level didn't have a better plan to evacuate. I'm horrified by the images of hundreds of school buses lined up and buried in grime at the bus barns. Why weren't they used to haul people out of there before Katrina hit?

Now people are left behind in what appears to be complete anarchy in such post-apocalyptic scenes.

I've read story after story about help being turned away. I can understand not wanting to endanger more people. But when you're turning away truckloads full of water? People are desperate for that. Don't tell me you don't need it.

I can't say I have any solutions. I would have no clue as to what to do. But I can't help feeling like something more could be done. Why do I feel like we're quicker to organize troops for war than for relief and rescue?

Where are our political leaders? Both Democrats and Republicans have disappointed me. "Our hearts go out to those affected." Screw your hearts! Where are your hands and your leadership? Why is it continually left up to Hollywood to make the people rise up? Once again, it's people like Sean Penn and Kanye West starting the revolution. Even "stars" I'm normally not a fan of, like Oprah and Celine Dion for heaven's sake, give me more hope that something is going to happen.

It used to be up to our president to encourage us. President Bush, with his blinking and blank stare while he listened to FEMA tell him what they planned to do that day, was less than inspiring. It was the same blinking and stare he had while school children read him My Pet Goat.

Reading the news today, I see FEMA will give debit cards worth $2,000 to victims of Katrina. My first thought? "That seems like nothing and where do they have to spend it?" My second thought was "I wonder if the ATMs will charge them $1.50 to use the cards."

I don't know. I don't know what to do or what to say. I've donated food and water. I've given what little money I can. I feel helpless. I wish for the victims to get out of that hell. I hope they find their families. I pray that peace, understanding and calm come and come quickly.

Katrina People Finder
The American Red Cross
The United Way

The most powerful weapon on earth is the human soul on fire.
---Ferdinand Foch