It's Like Ten Thousand Spoons when all You Need is a Knife

Read Your Sticker
Originally uploaded by YourAuntBee.

I pulled up behind this vehicle at a stoplight on my way home tonight.

I noticed the sticker. I assume it means that the driver is angry. He's angry that people are driving so badly while they talk on their mobile phones. So angry he had to buy a sticker that expressed that to everyone.

He is so angry about phoning and driving that he wants to shove all these phones where the sun don't shine.

Then I looked at the driver and noticed he is talking on a mobile phone. And swerving.

Huh. Interesting.

My Name is Fix It

Raymond
Originally uploaded by YourAuntBee.

Scene:
The Living Room

Characters:
NADIA, Young, pretty mother.
RAYMOND: Precocious three year-old boy

Curtain rises and we see NADIA cleaning. She is concentrating on rubbing all the dust off the coffee table.

RAYMOND enters stage right.

RAYMOND: Hey, Mom!

NADIA: Moves to clean the side table. Yes, Raymond?

RAYMOND: The curtain thing fell down in the bathroom.

NADIA: I saw that. I'm going to fix it here in a minute.

RAYMOND: Flops down on the couch. You can't fix it!

NADIA: Arranges pictures on side table. Of course I can.

RAYMOND: No you can't. You're a girl. You can't fix things.

NADIA: Excuse me?

RAYMOND: I'll tell you what you CAN fix . . . You can get in the kitchen and fix me some dinner!

NADIA: Jaw drops.

Curtain closes.

I Told You Once and I'll Say It Again

Two Heads!
Originally uploaded by YourAuntBee.

JORDAN CATALANO IS COMING TO WICHITA!

Just thought some of you would like to know.

Like maybe Raw?

But Mine are Sort of Hackneyed

Sky
Originally uploaded by YourAuntBee.

I've already discussed my love for pickles, but I'm starting to get a little worried about myself.

Is it normal to eat four pickle spears for lunch?

But That's What Bugs You

No Pictures, Please
Originally uploaded by YourAuntBee.

It used to be that everytime I said the words "Aunt Bee" or even "bee" to Evan, he would smile.

Even when he would be grumpy and really upset, I would say "Bee!" and his mood would change to happy.

These days, he has a new response.

"Say Aunt Bee!"

"Thbbt!" He blows a raspberry at me. Every time.

And here I thought he liked me!

I've Seen the Kansas of Your Sweet Little Myth

Downtown Wichita
Originally uploaded by YourAuntBee.

And now for some more nerdville:

Some of you have emailed to ask what font I used for my new and very beautiful (haha) banner.

I know it looks like many other fonts, but it's actually rather unique and your guesses have all been wrong.

I got this font way back in the dial-up days. Back when 1GB was big for a hard drive. We're talking 1997.

Tripod teamed up with Chank for the Rockstar Font Project. Several "rockstars" were asked to send in a handwriting sample which was then turned into a font for Tripod members to download for free.

One such star was Mike Doughty of the band Soul Coughing.

Chank ended up calling the font "Wichita" in reference to the Soul Coughing song "True Dreams of Wichita."

I thought it was a fitting font.

Unfortunately, Tripod took down the Rockstar Fonts, unless they've buried them so far under crap, I can't find them.

I did happen to dig up the "Wichita" font at Soul Coughing Underground.

And if anyone happens to have the rest of the Rockstar Fonts, please email me!

Some Strange Music Drags Me In

Dropsonic
Originally uploaded by YourAuntBee.

So I guess you could say my taste in music is wide. And eclectic.

And really, quite incomprehensible to most people.

Many of you are new to my crazy music ways. I'm sure many of you think "Hey! I like some crazy stuff, too! I bet my CD collection is way weirder than yours!"

Well, now you can start comparing before you challenge me.

I joined this service, Last.fm.

It works with my media player to show the world to what I'm listening. You'll see my latest ten to the right.

Now you can catch me listening to songs from Jem and the Holograms!

Ain't Nobody Dope as Me

Originally uploaded by YourAuntBee.

I've had this computer for about three years. In that time, I have filled it with tons of crap and abused it to no end.

And not once in those three years have I restored the system.

The other day, I finally cleaned this sucker out. I'm starting anew and it's awesome.

I know it's incredibly nerdy to get this excited over such a thing, but it's just running so well. And fast!

Now if I can just get done with these updates! They never end!

And then I can start filling the hard drive to the brim again!

You Make Bath Time Lots of Fun

Sophia, Full of Grace
Originally uploaded by YourAuntBee.

There's just something about bath time.

Evan has so much fun, Jacque has to spend forever just dumping water on him.

Sophia likes baths so much, she gets one every night.

"I just can't deprive her of her favorite activity!"

Spoiled brats!

I Went to Your Wedding

Jacque, Chris and Evan
Originally uploaded by YourAuntBee.

When Chris and Jacque got married, I was involved in everything.

I was there for many late-night visits to Wal-Mart for more tiny glass vases to decorate. I went with Jacque to buy three tons of flowers to decorate then worked my butt off to put all that up. I videotaped the ceremony.

So you think I would know what day they got married.

" . . . and tomorrow's our anniversary . . ."

"Wait--tomorrow?"

"Yes. June seventh."

"Why do I think you got married in August?"

Probably because my brain is getting to be as useful as a pet rock!

Happy anniversary, Chris and Jacque! I'm glad someone can remember the date!

My Dreams are Prettier than Me

Nadia in B&W
Originally uploaded by YourAuntBee.

Nadia is great. When you're her friend, there's not much she wouldn't do for you. She's a good listener, gives good advice and is just generally fun to be around.

But even her husband will tell her she lives in this weird little bubble.

Inside that bubble, everything turns into being all about Nadia. This bubble really gets put to use when compliments are being thrown around.

One day, a customer told me I looked very pretty. This was a customer I had never seen before, so I took it as quite a compliment.

I told Nadia about it and her response was "What? I look pretty?"

Another day, an older customer walked in and said something to Nadia. I saw her recoil and wondered why.

"You'd better keep that old guy away from me! He told me I was hot!" She said after he had left.

"Nadia," Dena interrupted. "He said the coffee was hot!"

She also judges other people's things by how they would look on her. "That shirt would look so good on me!"

It doesn't stop at clothes, either! Nadia sat by me at the hockey game we went to together. She turned to me and said "Your eyes would look so good on me!"

I blame this on the fact that she's an only child and the only female in her household.

I know that, while reading this, you're thinking that this behavior would be really annoying. But it's not. It cracks me up. Especially because she laughs, too. Usually.

Today, Kacy walked into work and Nadia tells her "Kacy I dreamed about your wedding last night!"

"Oh don't even! I'm too stressed out today to think about my wedding!"

"I dreamed that I was prettier than you at your wedding!"

To the Magic of the Moment

FiFi
Originally uploaded by YourAuntBee.

Today, I was hanging out at BJ and Doll's house when the neighbor kid, Brian (a.k.a. Fifi) walked through the living room.

I really only saw the back of Brian and didn't recognize him at first.

"Is that Fifi???"

I didn't recognize him, because instead of a letter jacket over a t-shirt or a baggy plaid or striped untucked shirt, Fifi had a decidedly Emo look about him.

He was even wearing a studded belt.

Perhaps it was this change in Fifi that inspired the change in the website. Or maybe it was just another thing to do that didn't involve cleaning.

Everything should still work the same around here. The pictures still have their own site. The link can always be found under the thumbnails at right.

If you find any glitches or just plain hate the new look, let me know.

Tell Me Sweet Little Lies

Sophia and Raw
Originally uploaded by YourAuntBee.

I have had a MySpace account for two years.

When I first joined up, it wasn't really a big deal. Now, a lot of bands don't even bother to have a website other than their profile at MySpace. Hot Topic even has a whole line of MySpace related junk.

MySpace describes the use of itself: "Create a private community on MySpace and you can share photos, journals and interests with your growing network of mutual friends!"

Basically, you create a profile, find some friends and link up. It's pretty crazy the number of people you can find.

Some people I know think MySpace is "stupid" and "the work of the devil." And I agree that there are some slimey people and shady things going on there.

But I have had a relatively good experience with it. I've found old friends I thought I may never see again. And it's been a fun way to keep in touch with my cousin while she's in Korea.

Tonight, Casey decided to make a MySpace profile. I looked him up and found this:

Can you tell which of these Details is actually true?

Take the Money and Run

Babysitting Evan
Originally uploaded by YourAuntBee.

Before I went home last week, I had to go to Wal-Mart to pick up a couple of gift cards for my grandmother.

I know! Can you believe my Mamo made me go to freakin' WAL-MART??? But that's not the point, today . . .

When she called and asked about them, I told her I had forgotten them. "I bought them but I guess I left them at home. I'll mail them to you when I get back."

Of course, the cards were in my wallet in my bag at my parents' house. It's just fun to mess with my Mamo.

She showed up at my parents' house the next day. I gave her the cards as soon as she walked in the door.

"You turkey! You said you forgot them! I brought my purse in so I could give you money for a stamp!"

Yes, that's right, folks. My Mamo was going to give me money for a stamp.

That's the way she is with money. It's been this way since I can remember.

"Will you pick me up a bottled water while you're at the machine? Here's a dollar . . ."

"Will you get me a grape at the store? Here's a penny . . ."

Which is cool. There's nothing worse annoying than the person who always wants you to pick stuff up and never pays.

But sometimes you just want to treat, you know?

So when my family would bring pizza over, and Mamo is trying to give my parents money, it was my job to hide the money.

I'd hide it all over the house. I would leave little notes to let her know why that money was there. She'd call me up weeks later to yell at me.

It's like a game that never ends!

Tonight, I showed up for babysitting duty and was bombarded with treats.

"I made you salsa and there's homemade strawberry shortcake. I also bought you this ice cream. I can't remember if you like it it or not but I hope you do."

I guess Jacque had been busy all day!

Then Chris took a look at my engine to see if he could figure out why all my guages are going crazy. Luckily, for me at least, we think he figured it out and even fixed it for me.

They finally got to actually go out and have a good time. I managed to keep the kid alive and they tried to pay me for it when they got back.

"Please take it! We really appreciate it!"

"No no no! Chris had to fix my car and all . . ."

"He likes to do that! Just take the money!"

"Fine fine . . ."

And then I hid the money in the seat cushions.

Looks like I have a new opponent! Game on!