Tie It Tight, Don't Let It Rot, the Memory of This Day

Today is the big day. Uncle Jeremy and Uncle Robyn are getting married.

They are a lovely couple and I'm very happy for them.

I'm also very happy to party with them tonight!

Congrats!

You Found Some Love for Me

So I guess I'm taking about a week off from posting. I hadn't really intended to, but stuff is happening.

I did want to wish you a very happy holiday and leave you with a special gift.

Enjoy!

We Were Jerks, We Were Bad and That's All I Ever Wanted to Be

I always get the dogs a little something for Christmas. This year, I found a bouncy ball in a bee costume. Perfect, right?,

The dogs are notorious for chewing the crap out of their toys. I knew when I bought the bee that it wouldn't take them too long to dismantle it.

I did think it would take more than thirty minutes . . .

Got a Ride That´s Smoother Than a Limousine

Yes. Yes I drove off the road. I'm totally awesome like that.

But everyone seems to have these crazy ideas that I was tearing through the park, trying to steer clear of swingsets and little children.

Okay. So I had similar ideas. I thought I had been driving off the road for a long time. But when I went back last night to look, this is what I found.

Yep. Those tracks, there. You can barely see them, but you can see they're ridiculous.

Really, if you think about it, it's pretty brilliant driving. If you forget the fact that it was off the road. No swerving, no crazy braking; it's just a nice smooth in and out!

As I looked at them, all I could think about was all the people who drove by and wondered what the hell that person was doing . . .

And Now I've Found Love

A bit of wisdom cooked up in Aunt Bee's head over the weekend:

Lost love is not necessarily the right love.

Come Back Through the Park

I consider myself a decent driver. I mean, I'm no Frank Martin, but I seem to do pretty well.

I've been pretty lucky in crappy weather so far. When it snows, I drive slowly and really try to watch out for "the crazies" as my grandfather calls them.

I drive through the park every day on my way to work. Today, I literally drove through the park.

That's right. Today, I was one of the crazies.

I should have known as soon as I saw the road that I should have taken another route. None of the roads were grated very well, but this particular road had not been touched. It was pretty difficult to see where the road was.

I thought to myself as I drove along: The roads aren't very slick. I'm not having any trouble driving, but boy is it cold! Hey why is the roundabout so far to the left?

And then I realized I was on the wrong side of the signs.

But I'm fine. That's what matters, right?

"It would've been cool if I'd gone into the river!" I told Jill. "I could've been on the news!"

If You Feel the Urge to Freak, Do the Jitterbug

Raw and I took Sophia to the Nutcracker yesterday. She's obsessed with tiaras and tutus so we just knew she would love it.

Unfortunately, we overestimated her attention span.

Which isn't to say she didn't love it. She did. Just off and on. And she kinda threw a fit when we told her it was time to go. And she asked if we could come back.

"Maybe when you're twelve."

There were several times during the ballet that she told us she was done. Everyone would applaud a scene. "It's over! It's done. It's over, Aunt Bee! Let's go! It's over!"

Or she would say "I'm done. I'm done watching this. Let's go! I'm done!"

And then there was the creme de la creme . . .

"I don't like this anymore. I DON'T LIKE IT! I don't like it! I'm gonna kick it!"

Unreal

Congratulations, Sam!

I was very excited to hear you won the Heisman Trophy. I think Billy Sims was a little bit excited, too.

McDonald's is the Place to Rock

Last night, Evan and I hung out while Chris and Jacque went to a Christmas Party. We had a really good night, due to my excellent bargaining skills.

"Where's my toy?"
"You can have your toy when you're done with your dinner."

"You ready to hear the plan?"
"Yeah!"
"We'll put on jammies and then we can watch a movie!"

"Okay! You ready to watch a movie?"
"Yeah!"
"Let's clean up these movies on the floor and you can pick which one you want to watch!"

I didn't think it was going to go so well at first.

After Chris and Jacque left, I asked Evan what he wanted for dinner. "Do you want tacos?"

"Yeah I want tacos!"

" . . . a cheeseburger?"

"Yeah! Cheeseburger!

" . . . chicken?"

"No. Cheeseburger!"

So we found his shoes. "Okay, now I'm going to go to the bathroom. When I get back, we'll put on your coat and go. Okay?"

"Okay!"

I spent about two minutes in the bathroom and came out to hear Evan screaming and crying. I hurried down the hallway and saw the front door was wide open.

Everything turned to slow motion and the thoughts ran through my head. Oh God, they haven't been gone five minutes and I already lost their kid! Some crazy axe murderer is snatching him away. There's a rabid beast gnawing on his leg!

Luckily, none of this was true. The kid was out there bent over a chair with his head in his hands. "Evan! What are you doing out here? What happened?"

"Nuggets!" He wailed. "I want nuggets!"

Evergreens, Sparkling Snow Get this Winter over With!

Today it snowed. And the wind blew. And it was very very cold.

I'm not looking forward to winter if this is what we have in store.

But it did put me in a Christmas-ey mood and I decided to wrap presents. I'm pretty sure I wrapped a few hundred. I just got done and my back hurts, I have ten different sizes of paper cuts and I'm delirious.

Next year, you're all getting gift cards mailed to your house.

I Can't Believe My Eyes

"Did you just take off a grey Oklahoma hoodie, only to reveal a grey Oklahoma t-shirt?"

If You Liked It

Imagine if you will . . . Me. Doing that dance.

It's a strong possibility I might be talked into doing that in public.

I imagine it will look more like Andy Samberg:

No.

A question posed at Harvey's after time spent at Lime:

"Can I get two Irish coffees to go?"