I Wish that I could Chill With You Tonight

Raw
Originally uploaded by YourAuntBee.

Today was Cookie's ETA.

We're nearing the end, and it doesn't appear Cookie wants to come out today.

There are three major reasons it would have been cool for Cookie to be born today:

1. It's a new moon.
There is like some sort of symbolism there, don't you think? A new life on a new moon?

Even cooler . . .

2. It's Freaking Mardi Gras!!!
How cool would it be, as a kid, to think the whole world is celebrating your birthday by throwing around beads and toasting every minute?

3. The baby would finally be out
Look at Raw's belly! I don't think her skin has anymore elasticity left! She'll just start bursting at the seams!!

I recommended all the things I did Jacque, and she even had a new suggestion.

She heard that lobster worked. So she ate some and that night, here came Evan!

Instead, Raw and Casey had pancakes and walked a lot.

I talked to Raw tonight, and told her about Evan, yet again, not wanting me. He just screams for his mommy.

"It's because we make good homes," Raw explained. "I guess I should be taking that as a compliment."

We discussed other ways to coax Cookie out of his cozy home. Most of them, Raw had already tried.

"I guess I should just put candy down my pants."

Smooth Operator

I'm Twenty-One, Now!
Originally uploaded by YourAuntBee.

I'm telling you, the people over at The White House are a bloodthirsty group.

First, Cheney shoots a dude, now this.

Speaking of Smooth Operators, kudos to Rallie for finding the boys of The Wichita Thunder to hang out with on her birthday. Now if she could only score some good tickets!

It's the Final Countdown

Rallie Loves Starky Stark
Originally uploaded by YourAuntBee.

Today is Rallie Pink's twenty-first birthday.

How do I know this? Well, RP has been counting down the days for like three months. Seriously. She's worse than I am!

"Morning Rallie!"

"Hi! It's only 153 days until my birthday!!!"

Everyone at the bank knows about her birthday. And I'm not just talking about the people who work there.

She eats at Subway everyday. So the gals who work there brought in a giant balloon bouquet on Friday.

I had about five customers ask me on Friday if Rallie's birthday was this weekend. They also asked where the party was.

Unfortunately, Rallie has a big test on Monday, so can't party too hard. So her dad is buying about eight thousand of us pizza tonight.

But I'm sure Rallie will put her ID to good use, anyway.

Happy Birthday, BFF!

Now I Realize You're Just Like a Dog

Zoo
Originally uploaded by YourAuntBee.

Is this the stupidest idea for a movie ever???

The Shaggy Dog.

And so Please, Help Them with Your Youth

Zoo
Originally uploaded by YourAuntBee.

A month or so ago, I found Lost Camera.

The author had recently taken a trip to Hawaii. While there, she took many pictures, as most travelers do.

Unfortunately, while there, she lost her camera and all the photos she had taken.

To make a lasting record of her trip, she started a blog. Since she had no pictures of her own to post, she used pictures taken by other people she found on Flickr.

After just a few days of blogging, the author suddenly stopped. It turns out someone found her camera.

"Well," she said, "we have a bit of a situation. You see, my nine year old son found your camera, and we wanted to show him to do the right thing, so we called, but now he's been using it for a week and he really loves it and we can't bear to take it from him."

I listened, not sure where she was going with this.

"And he was recently diagnosed with diabetes, and he's now convinced he has bad luck, and finding the camera was good luck, and so we can't tell him that he has to give it up. Also we had to spend a lot of money to get a charger and a memory card."

What?

It's more like they're teaching their kid at how to pretend they're making an effort to do the right thing.

Not only did they not leave the camera with the park ranger, which would've been the smart thing to do since obviously, someone's going to call looking for an expensive camera. Not only that but they bought a charger and memory cards for the thing!

And then they're going to complain about having to buy it? What about the author having bought an expensive camera? Can they imagine how much it cost?

"Oh, we know, we looked it up."

I guess they can't all be Good Samaritans.

Make a Big Break Intermission

The T.V.
Originally uploaded by YourAuntBee.

Speaking of out of control . . ."

Pardon Me

Wichita
Originally uploaded by YourAuntBee.

"In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out.
It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being.
We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit."
Albert Schweitzer

To those who continue to rekindle mine, I am forever indebted.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Make it Nice for Everyone

Mine
Originally uploaded by YourAuntBee.

Friday, after work, I got me a one of them new-fangled mobile phones.

I had done all the research and picked out the perfect phone for me. It's not the super-giant $800 phone I really wanted, but it's always nice to not be completely out of control.

I waited my turn and then showed Joe the phone I had picked out. He seemed to be pleased to get a quick sale and reached down to unlock the correct drawer.

His sudden exclamation of "Uh oh" gave me reason to be nervous. "It looks like we are out of that phone."

So began the longest quick sale of Joe's life. It took me twenty minutes to decide to buy a phone; a phone that does everything the one I had inteded to buy does.

But since it was one hundred dollars cheaper, I just couldn't believe it would be just as good.

Yes, I know. I'm ridiculous.

Once I got it home and actually took a look at it, I was freaked out. The phone is some sort of mega monsterous thing!

There is no reason a person should need to do so much with a phone. I can watch live television with it. I can listen to Sirius radio.

I can not only take pictures in various tints, I can also use the phone as a camcorder. It even records sound with the video.

I can purchase songs and use it as an MP3 player.

Need to know where and what time a movie is playing? Give me a minute to look it up on my phone.

Out of control. But also super crazy mega awesome!

And it took me less than thirty-six hours to destroy it.

I'll go ahead and take a bow now because I can already hear the applause.

I hit Old Town with Tonya Saturday night. Heroes was pretty crowded, so I was avoiding the restroom.

When I got home, I really had to go! I took my bag and everything to the bathroom with me.

I set my phone on the ledge of the sink. At some point, I'm not really sure how, (Can you see where this is going?) . . .

I knocked the phone into the toilet.

There was quite a splash. I didn't think. I just plunged in after it. (Punny!)

I don't think I've ever grabbed for something so quickly in my entire life.

I'm glad I had flushed prior to throwing the phone in!

Where Will You Find Yourself?

Mmm, Cake!
Originally uploaded by YourAuntBee.

I've never been good at completing things.

What I'm good at is starting a project. I'll go full into it, and obsess for days. Then I'll just . . . abandon it.

I've bought knitting supplies, but never learned.

I've had a guitar for years, but still don't know how to play.

I constantly start rearranging my rooms. I never settle on anything and always end up deciding I want it a different way.

Empty photo frames, art supplies, school supplies, books; all unfinished, unused, wasting away.

Which is what makes today quite unusual.

Today marks one full year of my posting to this site. One year of glorious, beautiful writing and photography from yours truly.

Well, glorious and beautiful may not be the right adjectives, but it is quite remarkable. I fully expected to go all out for about two months before I petered out to two posts per year.

Which isn't to say that won't happen down the road. But for now, it's more glorious action for you!

Thanks for reading!

Get Out of the Madhouse

Doll
Originally uploaded by YourAuntBee.

My Aunt Doll really should be canonized.

She lives with three man-children, one of whom is the infamous BJ. She can do nothing else in the world, but this alone has made her eligible for sainthood.

Instead, she turns another year older today.

I think she's like sixty-eight, now. But she still looks like a little baby!

No, seriously. Put her in a hat--any hat--and you'll want to pinch her cheeks, she's so cute!

Happy birthday, Doll!

So Slowly for Those Who Wait

Starky Stark
Originally uploaded by YourAuntBee.

Man we were really busy at work today!

Somehow, though, I had time to notice the horrible condition of one of the microphones in the drive-through.

There was a big split in the foam covering. "It makes it look like a puppet!"

"Let's name it!" Allie squealed.

So with a little artistry from me, and our two creative minds working together, Allie and I created a masterpiece.

Meet Starky Stark!

For hours, all Allie and I could talk about was how Nighat would freak out when she saw Starky Stark. He is pretty badass.

We waited and waited for Nighat to arrive. The time passed soooo verrrryyy sllooowwwlllyy.

When she finally arrived, Nighat didn't notice our new friend. She went about her business, getting ready for the day.

Allie and I, however, could barely contain ourselves. Like little children, we covered our mouths behind Nighat's back so she wouldn't hear our laughter.

Finally Nighat took a look, grabbed Starky Stark and said "Oh that's so cute!"

That's it??? Allie and I were highly disappointed. Where was the freak outy behavior?

Maybe my plan to make a to-scale model of the human skeleton out of the bank's dog bones will get her!

This Little Snappy Boy Might See

Christmas at Grandma's 2005
Originally uploaded by YourAuntBee.

Somehow, I missed Groundhog's Day.

I always count the days until Groundhog's Day and throw a big party. My partygoers and I stay up all night and then have a champagne toast when Punxsutawney Phil makes his prediction.

Okay, so that's all a lie. I'm too lazy to throw such a party.

But normally, I do know when Groundhog's Day rolls around. Normally, I hear something on the news. But I must have been totally zoned out that morning.

When I heard Phil's prediction was "six more weeks of winter," all I could think about is the sixty and seventy degree weather we've had these last few months.

All I could think was "What winter?"

Grab a Brush and Put a Little Make-Up

Momma
Originally uploaded by YourAuntBee.

Last Friday, my mom was in Wichita for a conference.

I'm pretty sure it was an excuse to get out of work. I mean, who goes to an educational conference at Gander Mountain?

Since she was goin to be in town, she called to tell me she would drop by the bank to say hello.

That morning, I woke up half an hour before I had to be at work. I'm not quite sure what happened, but that gave me just a few minutes to throw on some clothes and get going.

When my mom showed up, I told her about my rushed morning.

"I noticed you weren't wearing any make-up," she said.

I felt bad breaking the news to her:

"Oh . . . right. Well, that's kinda . . . um . . . normal."

Still, I Can't Close My Eyes

Evan
Originally uploaded by YourAuntBee.

I've learned more than I ever thought I wanted to know about babies in the last few months.

They like to bounce, rock and scream for absolutely no reason. They can't eat strawberries, peanut butter, eggs or Pop Rocks.

Mostly, I've learned that babies like attention. Lots and lots of attention.

No matter how smart I get about them, I can never seem to do enough. Because no matter what you do, the baby always wants his momma.

The first two times I hung out with Evan, he was really quiet. Every other time, he has decided I'm some sort of evil crazy person and will scream until the Magic Momma calms him down.

Now, he may be right about the crazy, and maybe even the evil, but when he's older, he will love me. I plan to spoil the crap outta the kid. Why can't he understand that now?

I've begun to understand that it's not just me. He seems to scream at everyone who isn't Jacque.

What is it about her? There's something about the way she gets him in the crook of her arm. It's one thing I haven't learned.

I've tried and tried, but my arm just never seems to fit him right.

Well, tonight, ladies and gents, I found my crook!

Mr. Mohawk was uber tired tonight, but knew there was a party going on, so he wouldn't sleep. Jacque would get him in her crook, rock for awhile, then put him in bed.

It would only be about five minutes before we would hear some very insistent screaming through the baby monitor.

After about twenty trips to his bedroom, I convinced Jacque maybe I should try. I figured maybe he would decide she had given up and he'd think "Screw it. If she's not coming, I'll just go to sleep."

I peeked over the crib to see the red-faced goober give me a look as if to say "You ain't my momma!"

He quieted down for awhile once I started bouncing and singing Travis lyrics.

But when the song was over, the anger started bubblin' again.

I grabbed a pacifier, shoved it into his mouth and forced him to lie on my arm.

Suddenly, he cuddled up. It was my crook!

And that was it! Dude didn't wake up the rest of the time I was there.

This Aunt Bee crap is easy!