And You Think You Might Like to Take His Place

Mitch got Guitar Hero II for his birthday and I have to say I'm not only obsessed, I'm totally awesome!

I beat the game after just a couple of hours. Everytime I played a song in career mode, the game said to me "You Rock!"

Granted, I just played the career mode at the easy skill level, but I'm pretty sure you understand how great I am. In fact, I think I could be the greatest guitar player ever.

And once I get my own Playstation 2 and Karaoke Revolution, I'm sure we'll have proof that I'm the greatest singer ever, too!

Is it all You Really Want?

For Mitch's birthday, we ate at my favorite restaurant, Braum's.

Gotcha! You all know by now that my favorite is Sumo. Lucky for me, Sumo is Mitch's favorite, too.

Before we left, I asked Doll if she was going to eat sushi.

"Yes! In fact, I was telling everyone at work. But I couldn't think of the word so I said 'Um . . . that raw stuff . . .'"

When we got there, BJ hollered across the table "Get some of those round things!"

Everyone at our table ate at least one of "those round things." Even Mamo!

She said it tasted like dessert.

I Got a Baby's Brain and an Old Man's Heart

Guess who can start buying cigarettes lottery tickets today?

Just Like a Fresh Pair of Royals

Tonight, I called Marcus, forgetting he was at the Royals game.

"Watch for me on TV!" He demanded.

So I turned to the game and didn't see Marcus. But I did see a lot of people not paying attention to the game. They had more interest in their mobile phones.

I do think I heard Marcus, though.

They lobbed a ball up into the crowd. One guy lunged for it and missed the easy catch.

The crowd went crazy. Crazy mean. Everyone started booing. And I'm pretty sure I heard over everyone, Marcus's angry shouts.

And of course I did what I always do when I watch the Royals. I jinxed them.

When I turned to the game, they were winning the game. And soon thereafter, they lost the lead.

Of course, I can't take too much blame. I haven't watched all fourteen of their losses.

Please Please Please Please Me

Dear People of the World,

Could you please please please be just a little less crabby tomorrow? Pretty please? It would really help my day go better. I don't think I can stay at the semi-sane state I'm usually in if I have another day like today.

Thank you for your consideration.

Your Humble Servant,
Aunt Bee

Take a Look Around, Look What I Found

I know I know, I'm all about I want this and I want that. But I do really want these things:

We actually had a Commodore 64. It was pretty awesome! I think we only had one game before the thing quit working. It was a math game. I was awesome at it!

And this would be way awesome!

In my new eco-friendly wannabe mindset, I've decided I need a bicycle. This one would be perfect. I think the basket makes it nice and dorky yet would be quite handy. And I heart pirates!

Rolling on Over

Tonight, I had the rare opportunity to talk to Michael.

I say rare because that boy is a workaholic. He put in eighty-eight hours last week and is on schedule to work at least sixty-five this week.

So, with very few non-sleeping hours left, it's hard to catch him at a good time.

We had a lot to talk about. I told him all about planet earth and he told me about working a lot. And about this dog.

Michael has this friend who has a dog. We'll call him Doggie.

Once, his friend was at his house with Doggie. Doggie decided he was hungry and forced his way into Michael's pantry and ate a bag full of sugar.

"What kind of dog eats sugar???"

"This dog is kind of a spaz."

One weekend, Doggie was staying at Michael's house. Michael had been out and when he came home, his dog, Fedo, was waiting for him at the door with a look on his face as if to say "Hey Dad. I know you're gonna be mad, but I didn't do it. In fact, I had nothing to do with it. You still love me, right?"

Michael walked into his kitchen to see flour all over the floor. Doggie was sitting in the middle of it, covered in flour. "It would've been funny if I didn't have to clean it up."

Last Friday was a holiday for some people and Doggie's mom made some "pot cookies" to celebrate. She had one cookie and was really stoned all day.

Later that night, Michael got a phone call from Doggie's distressed mom. "You'll never believe what I did!"

Apparently, Doggie's mom had gone a little overboard and made two dozen cookies. After eating just the one, she left the rest on a plate in her kitchen.

You can probably guess what happened.

She found Doggie on the floor totally passed out.

She called the vet. "So . . . um . . . you know it's a special day and I kinda made some special cookies and the dog kinda ate all of them . . ."

The dog wouldn't move for two days. On the third day, he threw up. A lot.

Michael thought it served the dog right. "Maybe he's learned his lesson!"

ps--The dog pictured above is not the naughty Doggie. The dog in the photograph is the bar hound Raw and I hung out with during our secret drinks at The Jackpot.

Celebrate You and Me

Today is Earth Day.

I've been watching Discovery Channel's eleven part series planet earth.

For whatever reason, I never seem to catch the episodes when they first air, but I've been catching a lot on the weekends. It is fascinating and makes me wish I had a larger television with HD capability.

I'm watching an episode now that I haven't seen. They just had a breathtaking, unbelievably difficult and rare shot of Angel Falls. For some reason, I've been a little obsessed with the waterfalls located in Venezuela. It's on a list (which only exists in my head) of things I'd like to see before I die.

The program is a reminder of what it is that we're destroying.

You'd think the way I spout off now and then about what we're doing to our planet, I'd be a better environmentalist.

But my secret shame is that I'm not. I buy processed food and don't recycle the way I should.

What has kept me from being the environmentally friendly person I'd like to be?

Being environmentally friendly is hard work. And I'm notoriously lazy. It's much easier for me to just drive everywhere, rather than walk the miles to the closest Target.

And Wichita isn't exactly the most environmentally friendly town. We don't have all the resources of more conscious cities.

Which makes it pretty expensive to stay eco-smart. It's more difficult to find organic food. Which seems silly in the middle of farmland, but drives up the prices of anything organic that can be found.

Granted, just being a one-person household means my footprint on the world doesn't count for a lot. But after taking this quiz, I've realized I really need to change my ways.

Two and half planets? I'm a hog!

I'm not completely horrible. I use rechargable batteries. I quit buying pop so I didn't have the pileup of cans as I did in the past. I turn off things when I'm not using them. I even turn off lights in the homes of other people when they usually leave them on. I don't really think about it. It's just habit!

During this last year, I have changed all of my most-used light bulbs to GE Energy Smart™ Compact Fluorescent Light Bulbs. I was pleasantly surprised to see they really do make quite a difference!

I don't use a lot of electricity, since all I pay for is the electricity I use from lighting, electronics and small appliances. But my bill has dropped by ten dollars. Ten dollars doesn't seem like a lot, but my bill is usually $30-$35 and $7.50 of that is a mandatory customer charge. And this month, my KWH has dropped by more than half! I went from 282KWH with 9.4KWH/Day to a mere 138KWH with 4.6KWH/Day.

Sure, the bulbs are more expensive, but they last a lot longer. And with the cut in my electric bill, the bulbs have paid for themselves. Go ahead make the change.

Although I recently bought a couple of these nifty trash cans from The Container Store, I'm going to try to cut down on the amount of plastic shopping bags I get. I pre-ordered these handy bags from Delight, since I missed getting some during the two hours before they sold out. If you'd like some of your own, pre-order some using the coupon code from Shelterrific to receive twenty percent off the already low price.

So today is a beautiful, yet terribly windy, Earth Day. In the words of Amy Poehler, "Suck it, Neptune!"

Maybe it's Karma

We had another food day yesterday. We have food days at work all the time.

"You had a baby? Let's have a food day!"
"You won a contest? Let's have a food day!"
"You have to work tomorrow? Let's have a food day!"

I don't cook often, so when i do, I try to make something that makes it look like I worked hard.

Last night, I made samosas. I had been hungry for some Indian food and had some wonton wraps, so I decided I'd make something samosa-ish.

Preparing the filling wasn't difficult. I didn't use a recipe, so getting the spice combination was difficult. More coriander! More garlic! Extra cilantro!

Eventually, I remembered I had some vindaloo paste. So that was a big waste of time.

Stuffing the wraps was tedious. If I ever make these again, I'm definitely using bigger wraps!

I was going to bake the samosas, since it would be easier. But I've never had much luck baking fresh wonton wraps. They always turn out weird and greasy.

So instead, I fried them. And after awhile, my eyes got all burny and blurry. Does this normally happen when you fry things?

I guess all the pain was worth it. They're all gone.

Does anyone have any suggestions on how to bake Melissa's Wonton Wraps? Because my eyes are still infected with grease-molecules-in-the-air disease.

Take a Look Around, Look What I Found

This is awesome. I never mail things anymore. So when I do, I never have the right stamp because I bought them like two price changes ago. I need some of these.

This is so exactly how it is. How disappointing those nachos look!

Yes and the Stars were Bright

Today was "Free Cone Day" at Ben and Jerry's stores.

Unfortunately, there's no Ben and Jerry's in Wichita. So I was SOL.

Raw was not. When I talked to her last night, I reminded her that today was the special day.

"Oh man! I'm going to be so busy tomorrow, I don't think I'll have time for ice cream!"

But I knew the truth. Raw can always make time for ice cream!

She sent me a text message this afternoon to let me know that she had found time and was in the process of getting her free ice cream. She likes to let me know what I'm missing out on.

Tonight, my phone started playing Sean Paul's Temperature. That's the ringer I have set only for when Raw calls.

"I suppose you're calling to rub it in about the ice cream?" I answered.

"No. I don't have time. But I was going to call you about the ice cream. But I didn't have time so I decided I should call you to let you know that I didn't have time to call you."

Yeah. I can't get my head around the logic, either!

Or It's Goodbye Radio

I know I'm late to the bus on this one, but I hadn't heard the clip until Friday and I was really busy over the weekend.

So I don't really understand the whole Don Imus situation. I understand he got fired for an inappropriate comment, but it really didn't sound so bad.

I should preface with saying that, while I have listened to Imus in the Morning occasionally, I've never been a fan of Imus. I think he's creepy-looking and I don't like his radio style.

But I don't feel like what he said was any worse than anything else he, his radio team or even any other radio personality has said.

Sure it was insulting. And maybe he could've come up with a better way of saying the Rutgers University women's basketball team looked rough, but "nappy-headed hos" doesn't seem like a fireable comment. Not with all the other comments heard on the airwaves.

I don't think Imus was being racist or even all that malicious. I really think he was just commenting on his observations of the game.

I may not be black, but I am a woman and don't especially like being called a ho. But I wouldn't expect someone to go apeshit and demand punishment.

Of course, no one really cares about the "ho" part of the comment.

I feel like we're becoming a very strange nation. On the one hand, it seems weird that we're so inundated with language and images that would have shocked people twenty years ago.

On the other, we are so sensitive! Everything revolves around "me" and if "you" should dare to be offensive to my ideas, you must suffer!

What really surprises me is the fact that people grabbed onto "nappy-head" and made an issue out of that. But if you can keep yourself from shutting off the clip in some wild outrage, you'll hear more comments.

Like the one from Bernard where he refers to the game as "the jigaboos versus the wannabes."

I know that he was referring to a Spike Lee film. But I feel like that's the comment that turned Imus's words into something racist.

I'd blame Bernard, but I guess you've gotta go for the person with the bigger name.

ps--I would like to apologize in advance to any ape that may be angry with my comments. I'm just a good lady who did a bad thing.

Go Back to Your Mama

Do you see this? It's not even a joke!

This is an actual, un-doctored photograph of my brother being fed his plate of food by Tasia.

I'm starting to think she's St. T-Biscuit with all the stuff she has to put up with. She ended up with two babies not one!

Take a Look Around, Look What I Found

For you cat lovers!

Goodbye All, I Feel Free

With the way I love television, I can't believe I hadn't heard of Joost.

But now that I have heard of it, I'm totally excited. Free television! On your computer!

I'm hoping this is going to be cool. The website is really pretty. And the lineup looks interesting.

I mean they've got Ren and Stimpy and Lassie!

It Could Last You Forever

I like Mexican food. A lot.

It seems like BJ always manages to call me when I'm eating Mexican. Like the other night:

"What are you doing?"

"Eating."

"Eating what? A burrito? A taco?"

"A frozen burrito. Howcome you always call when I'm eating Mexican?"

"Because that's all you ever eat!"

Which is totally true! I practically live on Mexican! Especially Amy's Organic Burritos.

Which is why I'm considering having this tunnel branched off into my home.

Traduje esto al español porque no deseé estropear el artículo. Es así que largo y llenado del detalle, tuve que realmente luchar el impulso de creer.

Everytime I think about getting rid of the AdSense, it brings me more joy.

I Am the Devil. Bring Me Some Soup.

I'm a sucker for taking quizzes online.

Some of you know this well. Others share in the uncontrollable desire to know what it means that your favorite color is red. Or how your personality relates to what kind of underwear you should be wearing.

So when I saw this link: What Tarot Card Are You?, my hand was like on auto-pilot, guiding the pointer to the link.

I was a little suprised by my results:

You are The Devil

Are You Strong Enough to Be My Man?

Marcus brought home a man for Mamo for Easter.

Take a Look Around, Look What I Found

This is what would happen if I had kids.

More YouTube fun:
Creep!
Hump!

Not Short a Chuckle

"Do you ever get those farts where you can feel the bubbles coming through your pants?"

"HAHA! WHAT?!? Bubbles?"

"You know! Like there's so much you can feel it in your pants?"

"So like your pants actually fill up with air?"

"Yeah! Doesn't that happen to you?"

"I thought you meant every time you farted, you put your hand back there to feel for little bubbles. And no. Never."

Careful What You Wish