I have been helping a particular associate for about a week, now. It's one of those things where the people who are supposed to help her aren't doing it, so I can't complete my job.
So I had to take the reins and do everything--as usual! The associate sent me a thank you. I think . . .
"Thx u 4 ur f/u"
Somehow I got suckered into volunteering to help with the Diversity Potluck. You know . . . the potluck where you're supposed to bring a dish to share with the department. A dish that's been in your family for years and years and reflects your heritage.
And because nothing can go smoothly, nobody wants to share the dish with the whole department because there's H1N1 and the risk of people digging in with their fingers.
Things change and you're only sharing your dish with your team. Because you trust them. But if for some crazy reason you actually want to share with the whole department, one of the conference rooms was all done up for the event.
Which explains why I was standing on a table, dancing for money, in the conference room.
It doesn't? Well, I was helping with the decorating. And there were streamers. And I was standing on the table to get them up on the ceiling. And I did a little shimmy and asked for money while I was up there.
There was a CD playing with music from all over the world. When one song was playing, Valerie said "I know this song, too! Is it from 'The Love Boat?'"
Randy and I looked at each other. "Um. No."
"Yeah! Yeah it's from that show! I think. Maybe."
She continued trying to convince us as we continued to decorate. She looked at the liner notes and told us the name of the song as if it would jog our memory.
"No! It's from 'Soul Train!'"
Randy and I looked at each other. He raised an eyebrow and said "Yeah. I get those shows mixed up all the time."
My pal at work, Wayne and I have been playing a game the last couple of days.
Yes! We're still working! I was just as productive today as I am when I'm not playing.
It's not a very exciting game. And there's really not much in the way of rules. We stick our iPods on shuffle and compare songs.
"Ben Folds Five, 'Landed.'"
"Linkin Park 'Some Stupid Song'" *
"I win!"
All day. I know. It's not very exciting. But I won on Friday! My iPod pulled out a brilliant array of music! Today . . . not so much. This is what I had to offer for one challenge:
*This is not the real title of this song. I just don't like Linkin Park. I won that challenge!
I had dinner with Tonya tonight.
She's a friend from the banking center days. She does my hair now and is awesome at it.
I miss hanging out with her every day. We were talking about the old days at the banking center and man I kinda miss those days.
I miss the "Hey! Let's go to dinner after work!" I miss the "Hey let's go out and go dancing tonight!"
I miss the closeness due to working so closely together. Even though it all ended badly.
Girls are so complicated.
I don't do well taking my pills on an empty stomach. I know that's true for most people. But I really don't do well.
I'm supposed to take my pills in the morning, but am never hungry first thing. So I wait until I get to work and am all nice and settled before I take my giant horse pills.
I have a nice routine going that helps me remember to take my pills. While my computer is booting, I get out my daily dose. Then I eat a ZBar while I read the 800 emails that have arrived in the short time I've been away from work. Then I go fill my cup with coffee and my Kanteen with water. By that time, my yummy ZBar is usually nicely settled enough that I can take my pills.
The other day, my neighbor at work saw my pills on my desk.
"Good Lord! That's a lot of pills! Are you dying?!?"
She didn't even all of them!
This all came a bit out of the blue, but I suddenly have a new position at work.
I found out yesterday. It's not really a big deal. No raise (they're frozen) and it's not really a promotion. It's just something different.
Less stress and new things to learn. I'm ready for the challenge.
I just can't figure out why I have this weird feeling. I can't quite place it. I really wish I was more in tune with my emotions!
Also making yesterday cool, my Girl Scouts cookies came in.
I had tried to schedule today as a vacation day back in January. Apparently, everyone else had the same idea and my vacation was not approved. I was put on th waitlist.
Yesterday, about a half hour before it was time to go home, I received a message: "Tomorrow just opened up. Do you want the day off?"
It was all I could do to manage a reply that wasn't "HELL YES!!!"
I have never been so excited to have a day off. I've been pretty frustrated about work lately and to have a surprise vacation is something I really needed.
It was also supposed to help me get some things done around here before my trip to Kansas City for Casey's birthday. But I just keep procrastinating. There's just so much going on with the soap operas!
I had a tarot card reading at work last week.
Yes. At work. Don't ask questions.
What's important is that the reader told me that in a former life I was an African princess.
That's right. You always knew it was true. I'm totally princess material.
"You were also an African-American male."
"Awesome!" And here is where I embarrass myself. "I had a big weenie!"
Everyone laughed. A lot. When the reader finally caught her breath, she asked "Is that true? I've never heard that!"
I wasn't sure what to say. Who hadn't heard that stereotype? Really?
I think she realized everyone in the room thought she had grown up in a monastery (which I lived in during a former life. I was a priest or a monk). "Did I say African? I meant Native American!"
I didn't have much to say to that. I didn't know any dirty-minded stereotypes.
"Today is going slowly."
"Not for me. But that could be because I'm traveling in different dimensions today."
Dear Psychic Dude,
If you're so psychic, I wonder if you could tell what I was thinking. Did you read my mind and did the letters spell "This dude is bat-shit crazy?" And if you're so psychic, I wonder why you think people don't like you just because you have money. Because you don't have money. Does it make me psychic that I know people don't like you because you are a rude little jackass who talks for twenty minutes to strangers about how psychic you are and that you're so smart you're like an alien? No. I don't think I'm psychic. It would be obvious to an immigrant squirrel that you lack people skills. I'm not sure what gave me the biggest clue. Was it the sound of your spittle as you threatened the bank? Or the way you so eloquently bid me goodbye: "Go f*@# yourself! F*@# you, you f*@#in' c*$%!" Oh! I just had a vision! I see a straightjacket in your future! Heart,
Aunt Bee
This week has been a particularly crap week at work.
Everyone is friggin crazy and I'm pretty sure they're trying to take me down with them. I really thought my head was going to explode today. I had the lady that, after ten minutes of babbling facts about her accounts to me, couldn't remember why she needed me. Then there's the people that can't seem to fathom (thanks for bringing that word back, Justin Bobby) the whole privacy thing. Look, lady, I'm sorry your dad is sick. But you have no ownership or power of attorney on this account. If you had a cold, would you want me to let Billy from down the street check out your accounts? Would you really? I think what bugs me the most about it is that people are intentionally hurtful when I'm not able to help them. It's not that I don't try. I give you every option and opportunity to be helped but I can't hold your hand through your whole financial life. "I hope you go to hell!" No really. My left eyebrow aches from frowning and being raised all day.
This week has been especially crappy at work. It's been busy and some things have really set me off and put me in a really really bad mood. So I decided to go to Target tonight. I'm feeling much better. I've been really obsessed with pomegranate juice lately. It's tasty and I guess it's really healthy. But I've never actually eaten a pomegranate. Today was the day to change all that. There they were, just sitting in the produce section, begging me to try one. I picked one up, brought it home, and went over to ehow to figure out how to eat it. Of course, I took none of the suggestions and just cut right into it. Which is probably why I made such a mess. The seeds are tasty but I don't know if I'd recommend buying a pomegranate. It took a lot of work to get this:
I hate to say this, because I'm usually pretty "glass half-empty" when it comes to myself, but this week has been pretty good.
I've had several customers and fellow bankers say good things about me. No really! I mean, of course I get yelled at a lot. But this week, I've been complemented and actually feel a little appreciated! It's nice to hear I am actually helping someone! And of course there was Halloween. Any week that involves costumes and candy is going to be awesome. To top it all off, Friday I got my schedule changed. Yeah, after all that griping, it finally happened. It only took seven months . . .
I know Poop Week has been disappointing for some of you. But I never said I was going to show you pictures of poop. How about pictures of people with meat hair? I'm having trouble thinking of a poop story to tell you today. My day and mood were ruined by one phone call. I deal with a lot of irritating customers. They will yell. They can be dense. Most of my customers are quite pleasant. But there are those who are not. But what's really disheartening is when a member of your team is downright bitchy for absolutely no reason. And for some reason, I really can't shake this one off. I think it's because I don't really know what happened. You try to help a person out and they interrupt you and say things like. "Oh yes you WILL!" Then you realize the situation has suddenly spun out of control and you're not sure why because you've done the same thing probably a hundred times before. So then you try to remedy the situation by explaining what you were doing only to have your teammate continue to interrupt and berate you. How do you feel? Most people I know would just hit disconnect and go on their merry way. I took the high road (not to mention a very very deep breath) and finished what needed to be done. I then pleasantly asked her to have a nice day. But what I really wanted to do was ask her to hold then take a flight to New Jersey then walk into her office and take a giant dump on her desk. Wouldn't that be an awesome poop story?
I'm sure I'm going to make some people mad with all this but here goes . . .
Okay. It's fine if people want to have kids. If they fulfill some need in your life, that's great. I even like some of them. But please, don't use your kids for leverage. The example I'll use today to explain myself involves work. See, I don't really like my schedule. I work ten hour days on Monday, Tuesday and Friday. Mondays aren't so bad. We're so busy that I don't realize how long I'm there. But Tuesdays are horrible. The day drags and I get cranky. And I really don't like getting out so late on Fridays. Especially since at the end of the night, I'm just sitting there doing nothing. So, back in April, I put in to have my schedule changed. I even offered to continue to work ten hour Mondays. But I asked for shorter days the rest of the week and to get off earlier. The other day, my neighbor saw one of her friends walk by. "What are you doing at work so early?" "Oh. I got my schedule changed. My babysitter decided to go back to work." I usually try not to eavesdrop, but I was really interested. Turns out, instead of going with the proper procedures, this girl just went to her supervisor who then got the chick's schedule changed. So, because I'm using the proper channels and don't have kids, I'm still waiting. I'm not trying to be a total jackass. I know it's hard to have kids and get everything working together. I could understand if they did a temporary schedule change to give her time to look for a new sitter, but to screw all of us waiting in line permanently? That sucks. I guess I'm going to have to squirt out a couple of kids so I can have some good excuses.
Dear World,
If you don't know how to whistle, don't try to do it around people. And especially, please don't try to whistle in my ear while we're on the phone.
Dear Bankers,
Please remember this, you called me for help. So when I tell you what you should do or what you did was wrong, please don't get angry. I don't like to hear I'm wrong, either, but I've learned to deal with it.
Dear Wichita Drivers,
It is a really good idea to use your turn signal before you brake. Even better, how about you actually use your turn signals?
Dear Jacque,
Make more coconut cream pie.
My dad survived the great tornado of '73 (scroll to bottom). He remembers standing at the back door with Mamo, watching the weather. When their shirts started sucking away from their bodies and toward the storm, they knew it was time to head for the basement. My grandparents' home didn't get damaged and they were all safe. But it put the scare into them. When we were kids, my dad would make us put on shoes if there was threat of a tornado. Sandals wouldn't work. They'd be no good if we ended up having to walk over splintery wood, nails and broken glass. And to this day, I still put on a pair of shoes if I think I may need to take shelter. See, Dad? I listen now and then! Last night, a big tornado played "connect the dots" with a few small towns out west. It was a long night of watching the weather. I knew things were going to be bad when the storm spotters sounded scared. They usually sound excited. The town of Greensburg looks like it's demolished. A whole wing of the hospital was destroyed. Homes were flattened. As a result, I'm taking the storm forcast for today seriously. We're right on the edge of the high-risk area of the map. And things are turning out just as bad, if not worse. As I was driving to work today, I realized I put on flip-flops. Those would be no good in bad weather! I'd be worthless at my new job. Oh you didn't know about my new job? I guess it's not a new job, really. Just new responsibilities. We had a tornado drill one day and we all crammed into a room in the back. I was talkingn to a co-worker, Cassie, who was standing beside me. I looked up to see my Team Lead, Angela, looking straight at me. Then she came walking up to us. I thought I was in trouble. You know how paranoid I am. "She'll do it. Give it to her," she said. Cassie was our Safety Monitor. The job requires the monitor to search for everyone in the event of an emergency. They have to herd the stray cattle in. Cassie has asthma. She got to thinking that if we had a fire, she probably wouldn't last long in the smoke. So they gave the job to me. She gave me a flashlight, a bright orange vest and a hard hat. That's right. Savor that picture in your head. Me in a hard hat. But don't forget the orange mesh vest!
Things you should do before you contact your bank, doctor's office, school or really anyone: 1. Have your account number/patient number/etc with you. 2. Have patience. 3. Please have any paperwork pertaining to why you are calling. 4. Please understand that most people are not mind-readers. 5. Have a pen ready! 6. Don't call from your car. 7. Please know why you're calling. 8. (Related to #7) Don't have someone else call in for you. Especially if they don't know what you want to do or if information cannot be realased to that person. 9. IGNORE YOUR CALL WAITING! 10. Watch the potty-mouth. It's really not going to help.
Then, when you ask questions, and the person answers you, you won't have to say "Wait! Let me get a pen!" and then make the person wait five minutes for you to find a pen that works!
Actually, that one's not even a huge deal. Unless the connection is horrible or you're using it for an excuse.
"I can't look at the information right now because I'm driving!"
"The last person hung up on me so please let me give you my phone number because I'm on the road and can't be using all my minutes because my bill last month was super high and so here is my number it's 555-2 . . . Did you get that? Because I really need to *click!*"
Dear People of the World,
Could you please please please be just a little less crabby tomorrow? Pretty please? It would really help my day go better. I don't think I can stay at the semi-sane state I'm usually in if I have another day like today.
Thank you for your consideration.
Your Humble Servant,
Aunt Bee
