So Now I've Got You

A couple of years ago, Chris and Jacque bought some land west of Wichita. Jacque is always trying to convince me to move out there, too.

I think she just wants someone nearby to search the house with her when she hears scary noises.

Sunday, I headed out to Cheney to go to Evan's birthday bowling party. On the way back, we extended the party time at Jacque's parents' house.

I'm pretty sure they had some sort of trap for me. "Let's make everything perfectly suited to Aunt Bee so she'll want to move out here!"

There were puppies,

fishing,

flowers,

bugs,

bugs on flowers

and THE BIGGEST FRICKIN SPIDER EVER!

This is Pete. He is my new pet.

I bought him some crickets but I refuse to buy the cricket food.

Seven bucks for cricket food???

You Were on Fire

I'm such a nerd.

I am so excited about the debate tonight. I want people to laugh at McCain and his ridiculous behavior lately.

But I'm more excited about the Biden/Palin debate. I do suspect this whole suspension of the campaign and possible cancellation of tonight's debate was partially a ploy to avoid putting Palin in that position.

Okay, people. Calm down. I know that you think you like her.

But have you seen Sarah Palin speak? sure, she can rile up a crowd if she has a teleprompter and someone to write her speech. But if she has to think while talking?

HAHA! What was that?

I'm starting to think I could be a vice presidential candidate. I have experience with international relations! I run this website and people from other countries read it! Hell, I might even have intergalactic experience!

Seriously, kids. Let's all gather around. Take a deep breath. Clear your minds.

Yes. She's pretty. And I understand she seems cool to you with those rad glasses. Those are the reasons you vote for a class president in high school. The biggest responsibilities they have are planning dances and the first reunion.

Palin would be a not-so-unlikely heart failure away from being PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES!

Did you learn nothing from that guy you thought you could have a beer with?

A Vision Like a Mirage

A lot of people wonder why I like to go to Lawrence.

Well, there's the Pumpkin Cheesecake Ben & Jerry's and awesome sushi.

A few weeks ago, I taught Allison all about Yo Gabba Gabba!

Last week, I made Marcus and Cameron rub beards.

And it's always fun to dress The Boy up like an old man going to the beach house.

To You

Today, you are three.

Three is a great number. it's the number of Blind Mice, Musketeers, Pure Ones, Wise Men and Beastie Boys. It's also the number of some other stuff that you're not allowed to ask me about until you're older. Wait. Not even then.

One thing that hasn't changed over the year is your personality. You're just as crazy and rambunctious and all-out boyish as ever! I really don't know where you find the energy!

Your vocabulary has expanded quite rapidly. It's so funny to hear your personality come through in your speech. I can hear true emotions now; especially concern and attitude!

Your aim when throwing is awesome and you're getting tough. You don't throw a fit and cry every time you fall down anymore!

Bedtime has been a nightmare in the past, but you've recently gotten much better. I didn't think I'd ever be there for a bedtime where you didn't come running into the room screaming because you didn't want to sleep! I'm really proud of you!

And potty training? Down. Pat.

I have to admit we did go through a bit of a rough patch. You picked up this nasty habit of spitting at me. I hate spitting! It's so gross.

Your mom kept telling me it was probably a phase. i was worried, though. We tried to be stern and tell you to stop. We tried explaining how it was yucky and it hurts people's feelings. We tried ignoring it. nothing seemed to work. I was really starting to take it personally!

I should have known. Moms are always right. The spitting ended as suddenly as it began. And we have been having a blast the last few months!

We've had fun playing Spiderman and chasing each other around the house. It's fun to throw you on the bed and I really feel like it's giving me a good workout!

We both laughed quite heartily when I shot your mom in the eye with your disc gun! I don't think I had ever seen you mock someone before! "My eye! My eye!"

We have this routine at bedtime. You come and give me a big hug and I attack you with kisses. Then I repeat my goodnight wishes to you over and over. I have to confess, though, that I stole those wishes from someone.

A long long time ago when I was young, I used to babysit this boy. Like you, and all kids, he always tried to delay bed time.

He would holler at me through his closed door and expected me to repeat each line after he said it:

Night night!
Sleep tight!
Don't let the bed bugs bite!
Love you!
See you!

And to really keep from going to sleep, he would repeat it over and over. The repetition is probably why it's still stuck in my head to this day! Since I chant this to all my poomongers at bed time, you get to hear this once a week. I apologize in advance for the frustration you'll have later in life when you can't get it out of your head.

You used to love the routine since it delayed bed time. Recently, though, you're enjoying going to bed more and you just don't have time for me.

"Night night!

"Night night!"

"Sleep tight!"

"Yeah."

"Love you!"

Here is where you sigh really hugely. "Love you."

Oh poor Evan. This is just the beginning of the exasperation! I plan on many more years of embarrassment and harrassment!

Happy birthday, Evan!

Heart,
Aunt Bee

But Papa Doc's Old Choppin' Block

Dear Heidi, Michael & Nina,

At this point, I don't even hate Suede as much as Kenley. Why can't you please get rid of her???

No really. Tim hates her! Heidi hates her! Why? Why is she still there???

"I think pop music is really cheesy."

Says the girl with the oh-so-original Bettie Page look!

If she is in the final three, I just might suffer head explosion. I implore you, don't let this happen!

Heart,
Aunt Bee

It's You I'm Dreaming of

Okay so I finally have all my photographs uploaded to Flickr:

On the plane.

The cruise around the bay.

Alcatraz.

The Golden Gate Bridge.

Chihuly at the deYoung.

Ridiculousness in San Francisco.

My trip down the Cabrillo Highway.

I know it really seems like there should be more pictures. Some of them just didn't turn out well. But really I just didn't take as many as I had anticipated I would. I was always on the move!

But we'll get to that later . . .

Here's a short summary of what you'll find in the above links:

High on a Hill, It Calls to Me

Hello Loves!

I'm back in Wichita . . . again.

I've spent the last two days with The Boy, so I have not yet managed to get all the pictures uploaded. I do also want to tell you all about the trip, so be on the lookout. I promise to have stuff going within the next few days.

Be patient. I'm old, now!

Phoenix

Folsom Street, on the Way to Polk and Castro

Okay, kids. I'm off to turn officially old by the ocean.

I'll try to check in here with a picture or two. No promises, though. We're packing a lot into a short time. I hope my old body can keep up the pace!

At least there's still proof that my brain isn't mature and old:

Slide from Aunt Bee on Vimeo.

Oh Baby I'm a Fool for You

So I guess I'm not the only one ready for a black hole.

I'm totally obsessed with the LHC.

Activation was successful!

Poop Week!

Michael knows this guy through a friend.

"He poops his pants on a daily basis."

"What?"

"He poops his pants every day."

" . . . So like he has some sort of control problem?"

"Nope. This guy seems totally normal. He's not dirty or anything. He seems intelligent. He just poops his pants every day."

"So he's at like work and is all 'Oh sorry, boss! Pooped my pants again. I'll be back after I change?'"

"No. I guess he works in his garden and doesn't feel like going back inside. So he just poops his pants."

"Why would you tell someone? I don't think if I even accidentally pooped my pants, I would tell anyone!"

"I know! How does that even enter the conversation?"

"Right! 'Yeah, the restaurant was great. Oh and hey--I poop my pants every day."

"Haha! 'Hey, there's something I've been meaning to tell you! I poop my pants every day!'"

"Huh."

"Yeah."

"Why doesn't at least pull his pants down???"

Poop Week!

I went to Lawrence on Friday to hang out with Marcus, T-Biscuit and The Boy before the rest of the family showed up.

Marcus was working, so T-Biscuit and I ordered some Chinese food from down the street. Later that night, Casey and I had a text message conversation.

"Are you in Lawrence?"

"Yes. We had Jade Garden."

"Jade Garden will give you the shits."

"HAHA! Guess what I'm doing right now???"

Poop Week!

Do you remember Carpet Pooper? CP made for a pretty popular story last year.

Well, CP doesn't stop at carpets!

Carpet Pooper went on a trip awhile back. It was a quick, last-minute trip that required some late-night driving. CP drove to the destination and their traveling companion was going to drive back.

The trip up was uneventful. They had a good time and then it was time to turn around and go back home.

I received this text message at 1:30 in the morning as they were driving back:

I just had diarrhea so bad that it woke me out of a deep sleep. We had to pull over and I shit in someone's yard. I used socks for toilet paper."

Poop Week!

Evan's pretty good at the whole being potty-trained thing. He's just not so good at the going by himself.

So last weekend, when he announced that he needed to potty and didn't beg anyone to accompany him, Chris and Jacque were relieved. He returned, pantsless, which isn't unusual.

As Jacque repeatedly asked him to put his pants on, Evan ignored her and played with his toys. He sat there and played with this. He sat here and played with that.

And then Jacque realized Evan is not so good at the wiping thing.

Jacque grabbed Evan and took him to the bathroom to clean him up. She followed a poop trail all the way there.

As Jacque and Chris cleaned scrubbed the floor, Evan walked around pointing out spots they hadn't gotten to yet. "Poop! EW! Poop!"

When they finally finished scrubbing, Chris and Jacque went back to the living room to try to get in a bit of relaxation. Evan came in and did what he does. He was noisy and played with all his toys in as destructive ways as possible.

When he got to his tool set, he grabbed his hammer and started hitting Jacque in the foot with it. "Ew! Momma sock! Take off! Stinky!"

Nobody realized Evan had sat on his hammer.

Poop Week!

"That was a pungent diaper!"

"Yeah. They usually are."

"But it was a weird stinky. Like so bad it almost smelled good."

"What?"

"Kinda like something to eat."

" . . . "

" . . . It smelled savory."

Poop Week!

So Marcus packed up and moved everyone to Lawrence a couple of months ago. His new pad has two--that's right--two bathrooms.

"So which bathroom do you poop in?"

"Oh I just go in whichever one is closest."

"What if you're right in the middle of the two? Which would you go to?"

Yes. This is exactly the kind of conversation I have with my brother.

How Long Before You Let Me Go?

So you're wondering why I'm so obsessed with CERN's Collider?

Poop Week!

I had a Ladies' Night Out with Raw and the girls on Saturday night. When we returned home, Sophia did all she could to put off bedtime.

Raw heard her on the stairs. "Sophia! Go to bed!"

"I have to go poopy!"

Sophia is still doing the potty-training thing, and you never want to discourage her from using the toilet.

A few minutes later, I hear her approaching the living room. "I poopy in the potty!"

She walks in, carrying her pot!

I'm laughing as I'm telling her good job, while Raw and Mary check the goods.

"That doesn't count as a poop! It's too little" Raw declared.

"You pooped a raisin!"

The Bell Jar

by Sylvia Plath

This is one of those books I felt like I had to read. It comes up in other readings and as a chick, I guess you're expected to have read it at some point. I went into it believing I wouldn't like it.

I was surprised to find out I actually enjoyed it. Yes, I found myself very irritated with Esther, especially when she acted childish and knew she was doing so. But for the most part, I was struck by how horrible a depression that deep is.

The book reminded me a lot of Salinger, a la Catcher in the Rye. I was surprised to find out that a friend of mine, who is a big fan of Catcher, hates The Bell Jar.

Where do you sit on the Bell Jar fence?

See how I rated this book.

In Motion We Seem Wrong

John McCain chose Sarah Palin?

Who? No really, even Fox News was calling her Susan Palin for awhile.

Haha! Break ties in the Senate and shooting old men in the face!

It just seems like such an obvious ploy.

Y'all think I'm too old? Well look at how young my VP is! You like Obama because he's all about changing the way Washington works? You want someone less experienced? Check out my VP! I think this is a mistake, for the same reasons Matthew Baldwin has brought up.

What I find most ridiculous is that the McCain camp is obviously making a play for all the women voters who supported Clinton. I seriously hope that her supporters weren't voting for her simply because she was a woman, as I hope people aren't voting for Obama simply because he's not a white guy.

I feel like I'm watching a bad movie about a presidential race.


ps--If you don't watch The Colbert Report, Friday's episode should change your mind. I laughed through the whole episode.