It Just Had to Be

I've had quite a bout of bad luck with cars. Someday I'll make a list.

But right now, I'm more worried about finding a new vehicle to blow up. Doll went with me today to try out a couple of cars we saw over the weekend.

"Can I help you?" Mr. Dealer asked.

"Hi. We've been looking at that silver car over there."

Mr. Dealer went on to tell us about the power train something or other and how long they last with proper care, where the car came from and other details to which I probably should have paid attention.

"We haven't had to do any body work on the car. There was no hail damage."

I laughed at this. With my luck, it wouldn't be long before the car would have some damage.

"We did have to fix one of the power windows . . ."

I laughed again.

Doll tried to explain my laughter. "She wasn't able to go through drive-thrus for years because her window was broken."

Mr. Dealer was starting to realize I'm a bit of a car destroyer. Which is probably why he sounded a little nervous when I asked if I could drive it.

"Uh . . . sure! Yeah! Wait . . . how old are you?"

"Twenty-eight," I lied as I smiled at Doll. I love getting asked for my ID!

"All right! Twenty-one is the magic number for the insurance company! We'll get the car ready for you!"

Doll and I jumped in and headed off to drive in circles. I concentrated on not crashing while she played with everything. She turned on the air conditioner and even tested the heater. She played with the power locks and pumped up the stereo volume. Then she rolled down her window.

"Good idea!" I said as I tried the driver side window. It rolled down and back up easily. Then I tried the back windows.

The passenger back window wouldn't go down at all.

It doesn't look like my streak of bad luck is going to be ending anytime soon!

We're Here to Decimate

I freaked out reading this:

A Brown Recluse Spider is placed in the same jar as a the infamous Black Widow. At first, they do not fight at all and seem content to live together with the common goal of getting out of the jar. After one week, a small beetle was placed in the jar for food. 3 days later, the Black Widow and the beetle are both dead. The Brown Recluse spider is still alive, but with only 4 of its 8 legs. In lab conditions, Brown Recluses have lived for several months on only 3 legs--hunting and feeding as normal. Brown Recluses can still bite up to 8 minutes with all 8 legs and even the abdomen removed. So even with only its head intact, it can still deliver a venomous bite.

And then I scrolled down the page and I almost screamed at the top of my lungs.

I'm warning you. It's nasty. Take a look if you dare!

So Much Younger Than Today

You know how sometimes I just seem to drop off the face of the earth and don't post for long stretches of time?

Sometimes I don't feel like writing or I can't think of anything to write about. I'm trying to do better and am starting to stockpile stories to use if (and when!) writers' block hits again.

I wouldn't be surprised if my stockpile runs out soon. So I'm looking to you, dear readers. I'm asking for help in two different ways, for now.

First, make requests. My brain is old and I don't always remember things. Any requests will be reminders and provide me with fresh ideas.

Second I'm wondering if any of you would like to be a guest star here at Heart, Aunt Bee.

This is your chance to get back at me for any embarrassment I may have caused you in the past.

I just came up with this bright idea, so it's nothing I've fully planned out. Submit what you'd like; a movie review, a memory, a political rant or a complaint about me. I'll post it here at some point. It all depends on how many submissions I get and how much writers' block I have.

Email your requests and writings. If you're sending a story, be sure to include a photo of yourself, or I'll have to pick one out myself. Which may result in more embarrassment for you!

I'm going to predict maybe one guest entry per month. And that's aiming high!

But maybe you'll all surprised me. Perhaps you're all secret Shakespeares!

But just going off the number of comments I get, I don't think I'll set my hopes too high!

And Guide Her

Tonight, I went to see Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End.

Of course, the showing we originally intended to see was sold out, so we had to wait around. Once we finally got seated, we had to wait around some more.

But once the lights dimmed, we thought surely it wouldn't be long.

We were wrong.

"We're glad you chose our theatre to enjoy this movie," the Movie Man voice said. "But may we have your attention for just a moment."

He then had a lot of very nice things to say about Memorial Day and the "Star Spangled Banner" started playing.

"Should we stand?" I asked Doll.

Then the song changed its tune to "God Bless America." You know . . . the one about "my home sweet home."

It was the Celine Dion version. You know . . . a Canadian.

I guess maybe the song is about God blessing North America.

They're Smoking Cigars

To Casey on His Birthday So He Won't Cry

Casey, it is your birthday.
I'm glad you were born.
How does twenty-nine feel?
Be happy.
Please.

Happy Birthday, Casey! The present's in the mail!

Just a Few Friends

FORTY!

Every Letter Makes a Sound

Evan is the luckiest kid around. He has the best set of alphabet refrigerator magnets ever, the Fridge Phonics&trade Magnetic Set.

Nobody goes hungry for learning with this set of 26 colorful, easy-grip magnetic letters and magnetic letter reader that attaches securely to your fridge. Each letter talks, sings and teaches letter names, letter sounds and learning songs. Put a letter into the reader to hear its name, its sound or a fun phonics song.

You know how I am. As soon as it was out of the box, I was ramming the "B" in an effort to get Evan to start saying "Bee" instead of "Mama!"

But, like everything else, it failed. And he still calls me "Huh?" I guess it's better than when he called me by bodily function sounds.

Evan and Jacque have both been sick this week and yet I dared the odds and visited yesterday.

I hadn't seen Evan much in the past couple of weeks, so he had a lot to tell me. So not only was he very animated, he was also very cranky because he didn't feel well.

"Shall we show Aunt Bee your favorite book?"

Jacque takes Evan to the library on Fridays. Last Friday, they had picked up a book about a duck. But the best part was that it was full of bees, too!

"We were reading it a couple of hours ago and he pointed out each one. He would get all excited and shout 'Bee!' everytime we turned a page," Jacque explained.

"Evan, come here," she requested as she opened the book. "Where's the bee?"

He stopped running in circles and looked at Jacque. Then Evan ran to the refrigerator like a man on a mission. He grabbed the magnetic "B" and shoved it into the reader.

Well, not quite what we were looking for, but absolutely correct.

Another Slow Numb

Things that annoy me:

1. When you ask a woman her name and she replies "Mrs. Lastname" as though when she got married, she lost her first name.

2. When you ask a person "What state are you from" and they reply with a city name.

Invite Him out to Hang

This weekend, Marcus had to go to T-Biscuit's parents' home for Tiara's graduation celebration and a baby shower for The Boy.

Marcus was nervous the way he always is when he thinks he might be put under some kind of pressure.

I don't know what he was so nervous about. He got to go play golf with T-Biscuit's dad while she had to be the center of attention at the shower.

Okay. So maybe Jackson had a little attention paid to him

Marcus called me last night to let me know he and T-Biscuit had made it home safely.

"We left Jackson there for a couple of days. I kinda miss the little guy."

I was really surprised. My brother has finally learned how to share! What a big boy!

A Pounding in My Brain, It's Driving Me Crazy

When I was in sixth grade, my parents bought me a ticket to my very first concert.

I was really excited. So was everyone I knew, especially my mother. She even bought me a new outfit.

It's weird that I remember this, but I got a white tunic sweater with a black turtleneck and black and white flowery pants. Totally hot! Thanks, Lerner!

On the day of the concert, I walked around like I was hot poo. Everyone wanted a piece of the awesome chick!

School finally let out. My parents and I grabbed a quick bite to eat and then dumped Marcus off. he wasn't cool enough to go with us.

The concert was at Bramlage Coliseum. We herded in with the rest of the cattle and ended up face-to-face with the speakers on the side of the stage.

I waited anxiously for the show to start. And then they finally took the stage!

That's right! Damn Yankees!

Quit laughing at me!

This was way back when that song was really popular! It was awesome!

Bad Company was the other band. I don't remember hearing this song before the concert, but ever since, it's been one of my favorites:

Sitting in front of us at the show were three college-kid-lookin' types. Of course I was trying to look cool because I was at that age when you want to look older.

I saw them pull out their lighters. And then I noticed their smoke smelled funny.

My parents were hoping I didn't understand. But I knew. I was officially hanging out with potheads!

The next day at school, that was my main story. I didn't talk about how Ted was crazy or how my ears were still ringing. It was all about the stoners.

I was, like, totally, the most popular girl.

Until sandy went to see Poison the next week.

I was telling this story to a friend the other night and we went hair band crazy!

Cheap Trick, Enuff Z'nuff, Kiss, Vixen, Great White, White Lion, Whitesnake . . . I'm pretty sure we thought of every great power ballad.

But I'm not completely certain. I'm making a Power Playlist and feel like I'm missing something.

What was your favorite hair band love ballad?

Take a Look Around, Look What I Found

Yet another reason you shouldn't season your food with weed.

Party 'Til You Puke

I'm too tired to write much, but I wanted to make sure a certain someone had pictures to see.

Hey you! Yeah you know who you are. Click here to see pictures of Mitch's graduation party.

I'm so Afraid if I Close My Eyes

My parents are coming today so I'm supposed to be doing my last minute cleaning which means picking up all the crap I threw all over when I pretended to start deep cleaning. I have a really bad cleaning method that ends up with nothing getting done.

I was talking to BJ and I saw the cat playing with something. THIS IS WHAT IT WAS! A FREAKING BROWN RECLUSE!

So now I'm scared out of my mind to pick up all this crap I have all over the floor. And everywhere else.

And don't even talk to me about sleep. I have no idea how that's going to happen.

I feel like puking. Oh no. What if that means I've already been bitten???

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!

How Do You Find the Words to Say

This post makes me want to call everyone everyday.

Enjoy the Power and Beauty of Your Youth

Today, Mitch graduates from high school.

I'm having a bit of a hard time with this. He was my first poomonger. I think I'll probably freak out at the ceremony.

I feel like I should have some words of wisdom to pass on to Mitch. I'm not feeling especially wise.

I guess the number one piece of advice I can give you, Mitch, is to tell you to prioritize. Do not procrastinate. This I can tell you, from experience, is important.

It may sound more fun to hang out or play games before you read that next chapter in your textbook. And that's because it is more fun. But you'll regret it tomorrow when you wake up drooling all over your textbook.

Scratch that. The real number one piece of advice I can give you is to believe in yourself. I know that, when you put your whole into something, you will do great things.

I am so proud of you, my little Skeltor boy! I can't wait to see where you go from here!

Wherever that is, I'll always be here for you. Like when you need an awesome quesadilla!

Congratulations, Mitch!

Well, Isn't This Nice

Can you guess what was waiting for me when I got home?

That's right! My vehicle insurance bill!

You're Always Scratchin' at the Eight Ball

As many of you may already know, I blew up The Buick, a mere fourteen months after destroying The Croc.

I headed north to my brother's place on Friday night, so I could babysit The Boy.

We had quite a day. He spent his day eating, sleeping, running in place and punching the air. I spent the day filling bottles, singing songs and changing diapers.

My parents brought Mamo and dinner later in the day so we could have a Mothers' Day celebration.

After dinner, hanging out and dessert, Dad headed back home with Mamo, while Mom and I headed to Wal-Mart in The Buick.

It was pretty late so Wal-Mart wasn't totally horrible. I did have to get attitude with some of the workers.

My mom was looking to buy a simple and cheap silver band. They had just what she was looking for in the jewelry department, but it was locked in the glass case. We stood there for quite awhile, obviously looking like we needed someone to help us.

Meanwhile, two chicks in red vests, which I'm assuming indicates management of some sort, were cleaning out the registers and talking about texting people. I know they could see us just standing there. In fact, as they walked to the department, they walked by us and glanced at us standing by the case.

Finally, I got really grumpy and walked over to one.

"Excuse me. Is this department not open?"

Both the girls looked at me like I was rude for interrupting. "Well, we're just closing these registers, but you're welcome to look."

DUH! You mean we can walk through and look at stuff that's just sitting out? Awesome!

"Right. But can we buy stuff?"

"Yeah. Sure!" The girl answered in a friendly tone but I was incredibly irritated. I hate conversations where you can't get a full answer.

"Okay," I sighed and really tried to hide the fact that I wanted to punch her. "My mother would like to see something in the case. Are you able to unlock it?"

"Yeah. Sure!"

And then she still just stood there.

She eventually sent someone our way and my mom finally got her ring, and I got to add to my list of reasons why I don't like to shop there.

Mom and I were both thirsty, so we hit Sonic before heading out of town. My mom is a bit of an addict when it comes to Sonic. No matter how tired she is, she's always up for a vanilla Coke.

At ten minutes to midnight, we both heard some strange noises and The Buick started acting strangely.

"Is that your car?" My mom asked.

"Yeah. I think so."

I turned everything off; air, radio, etc. The engine died and with it went the power steering and brakes. I struggled to keep the car out of the ditch as I pulled over to the rocky and uneven shoulder.

Four miles east of Riley, there is a big sign. It's all light up and has a big arrow pointing the way to Riley. We see this sign most every time we go to and come from Manhattan. We ended up just south of the sign.

So when I called my dad to tell him where we were, I was really irritated that he didn't understand where we were.

I should probably mention that I didn't have very good service in that spot, even in roam. The Flint Hills are awesome at blocking reception. And I was a little high-strung and rambling things like "The sign! Tuttle Creek Boulevard and the big sign! To Riley! AAAAAARRRRGH!"

I went back to the car and looked under the hood. Because I really know what I'm doing under there.

There was water where water should be. The engine didn't feel overly hot. So I pulled the oil dipstick. And didn't see any oil.

I always check my oil before I travel. My dad had changed my oil last time I was home and I checked it a couple of weeks ago. But I didn't check it before I left Friday night.

I felt sick.

I called my dad back and told him I was pretty sure there was no oil. He didn't sound excited but was on his way.

I got back into the car with my mom and waited.

"I feel like I have to pee, poop and puke all at the same time."

"Well . . . we're in the middle of nowhere. Go out in the field and have at it!" My mom laughed.

Soon after that, a big truck pulled in front over in front of us and a man came walking back.

"You need any help?"

"No thanks. I already called my dad. He should be here soon."

A few minutes later, another truck stopped, reversed and pulled over. A youngish guy got out of the truck and hesitated. I'm pretty sure his wife/girlfriend forced him to see if we needed help.

"Thanks. I'm pretty sure I blew up my car, but we have some help coming. Thank you very much, though!"

I thought the days of Good Samaratans were over!

When my dad got there, he took a look at the engine. There was, in fact, oil in the car. Apparently, the hood light was too dim for me to see the oil. I was a bit relieved until Dad had me start the car.

"Okay. Turn it off," he ordered after only listening for two seconds.

I was a bit flipped out, which made me rude and snippy. As my dad pulled us over to a little parking area, my mom was trying to make me feel better by telling me a story. I realized I wasn't listening to her and then when I tried to listen, I felt like I was going to jump out of my skin.

"I'm really sorry. I'm not trying to be mean but I just can't do this right now."

I'd like to publicly apologize to my parents. I really appreciate their help. I was just really really keyed up.

What's the moral of this story? Probably that you should not let me drive your car. I do not seem to be having the best luck.

I'm pretty sure it's Mother Earth telling me to hurry up and get that bicycle.

Hustlin' Strivin' Strugglin' Survivin'

Today is Mothers' Day and I am the best person!

At work Friday, Tiffany asked me what I got for my momma.

"My presence is my present!"

"Oh I'm sure whe'll appreciate that."

"I got her a CD and some pants," I confessed. "You know . . . because nothing says 'I love you' like pants."

Tiffany laughed.

"I even got Tasia something. Because I'm awesome like that."

"Well, that was nice of you."

"I got her flip-flops. Because nothing says 'Thanks for bringing a poo-machine into the world' like flip-flops."

"You should work for Hallmark."

Golden Slumbers Fill Your Eyes

Wednesday night, I was hanging out with Jacque and Evan. I think I still have sand in my cracks.

Evan has a sandbox, now. By the time I got there, he already had dirt deep under his fingernails. He really needed a bath.

Just as Jacque got him all bundled up in a towel after his bath, the phone rang. She rushed across the hall to the bedroom and put Evan on the bed so she could answer the phone.

"Please don't pee on my bed," she begged.

The kid went crazy! Who doesn't when they're all naked in a big bed?

He would burrow under the covers and then pop up, growling like "Surprise! Bet you didn't know I was under there!"

He would whisper babbles to Jacque and then giggle.

He was really funny and in such a good mood, we didn't want to go get him dressed. His mood can change in an instant!

"We'd better get you out of here. It's been a long time without a diaper."

And as if on cue, well . . . I think you know what happened next.

All Hell Can't Stop Us Now

You know, I'm all for protesting. I think a peaceful protest is a good way to bring attention to things. And I think it helps people feel they're making a difference. Every now and then, it works.

I think protests can be through-provoking. And inspiring.

But if you're going to do it, you have to commit. Especially when it comes to boycotts.

If you're in the middle of a meal and suddenly decide you want to boycott the restaurant. Don't sit there and bitch about the restaurant while you continue to finish your meal.

If you bought a pre-paid card from a store and three days later decide to boycott the company, don't go spend the rest of your card.

Boycotts and protests are about making a sacrifice. If you believe strongly in your cause, you would stick to your guns. When you're done, you're done.

Go ahead,. Call up your bank and tell them you want to close out your account right now because you're boycotting the company. But when you find out about how much the early withdrawal penalty will be, don't say "Well . . . maybe I'd better wait. But you can be sure that when it's done, it will be closed immediately!

It just doesn't serve your cause well. It just seems less passionate.

On Every Page, Every Magazine

I'm on Flickr pretty much every day. But I missed the news until I saw this post at Mighty Girl.

Long explanation short, 24 Hours of Flickr is a project that the heads of Flickr cooked up. Basically, you take a bunch of pictures on May 5 and then pick one of them to enter into the group. Eventually, the administrators will pick some of the photos to use in a book.

It's not that I think my skills are so great that my photo would be chosen to be in the book, I just like to participate.

Of course I signed up right away. And then, of course, I also totally forgot about it.

On my way back from work on Saturday, it suddenly hit me that "today was the day!" It was 2:30PM and I hadn't taken one picture.

I noticed a bunch of people walking around The Keeper of the Plains. The area has been closed off for quite some time while they've been doing work as part of the whole Water Walk project. I thought I'd stop by to check it out.

It was incredibly windy and as I walked over the suspension bridge, I was afraid I was going to be blown off! Obviously I managed to stay alive and got a few shots in.

You can see all the pictures I took here.

This is the photograph I entered into the 24 Hours of Flickr event:

It's my favorite of the bunch. I find it funny because there were a whole two people in that protest. And are those kids even old enough to smoke tobacco legally?

I Wanna Make it up to You

I'm not good at keeping secrets about myself.

When I was little, I was mostly only a "tattle tale" about me.

I say "mostly" because I know there were times I told on my brother. You know, the typical "He hit me!" or "He bit me!" or "He ran the go-cart into a tree!"

But for me, there's not a "sometimes." It's more like "eventually." I always end up ratting myself out to someone.

I remember once when I was young, I broke this glass bottle my mom used for decoration in the living room. It was a break that could've easily been hidden for awhile, but instead, I went to my mom and confessed, bawling my eyes out.

A couple of months ago, I bought an iPod. After always saying I didn't need one and didn't understand why I would want to spend the money on one.

I've ended up really enjoying it, though. I've loaded most of my CDs to it and I'm actually getting use out of the tons of CDs I'd forgotten about.

I have this friend, John Doe. Whenever I'm considering a new purchase involving anything "techy" I usually get advice from him.

I did not ask him about the iPod. I know how he feels about anything Apple and wasn't ready for him to make fun of me. But when I decided to get a new computer, I asked him to be on the lookout.

He recommended I wait a few months until all the Vista kinks had been worked out. I was grumpy, but realized he was probably right. I decided to wait.

Then something in me snapped. I just couldn't wait anymore. I was just browsing through some systems online and accidentally clicked "buy."

I knew I was going to be in trouble. So I kept it secret for a long time.

I didn't tell very many people at first. I told Mitch and Bret one night and mad sure to say, several times: "Don't tell anyone."

Later that night, I was watching television with BJ. Doll walked in and asked "What did you buy?"

BJ immediately flipped out. "You bought something?"

"Just the iPod . . ." I said as I secretly cursed the boys.

"No. I feel like you bought something big."

"Who told you?"

"Nobody. I just had a feeling!" Doll lied.

Then I heard the traitor cowering in the kitchen. "I'm going to beat you, Mitchell!"

My secret was out. And BJ was hurt that I had intentionally kept something secret from him.

Aren't we all incredibly silly?

The other night, I was telling John Doe about how I was putting all my CDs onto my computer and how long it was taking.

"It's going to be awesome when your system crashes two hours after you're done."

"It should all be in my . . . mp3 player by then."

"You got an iPod didn't you? You loser!"

And then it all came spilling out. Just like it always does. It was totally worth it. It feels good to not hide it anymore!

That was all nothing, really. That was a mere month. I've gone years before squealing.

In eighth grade, we had a lesson in art class on wood blocks. Since wood blocks are difficult to carve and a little expensive for a junior high art project, we used linoleum tiles to make the "blocks" for our printmaking.

The tiles were soft and much easier to carve. But the tool we used was still quite sharp.

"You must always cut away from your hand," the teacher demanded. "Anyone who cuts themselves will fail the project."

"Who would ever be so clumsy?" I thought.

Two days later, I gouged the hell out of my hand.

My hand was bleeding like crazy, but I couldn't let the teacher see! Trying desperately to keep anyone from seeing, I snuck over and grabbed some paper towels and pretended to blow my nose.

I don't even remember it hurting much. I think it was the shock and fear of failure. I do remember it taking a really long time to stop the bleeding.

I managed to hide it for the rest of the day. I was in the clear, right?

Oh didn't I mention my art teacher was my mother?

So not only did I have to hide my wound at school, I had to keep my mom from looking at my hand until it was healed.

Somehow I managed. My mom never found out and she never would have had I not opened my big fat mouth.

Not that I did it right away. Oh no. I waited until long after I graduated high school. In fact, it was just a coupld of years ago that I finally fessed up.

I wanted to make sure she wouldn't be able to put me through eighth grade art again!

Fighting for Freedom over Land and Air

I heart Joost!

I know I sounded frustrated the last time I discussed it, but it turns out it wasn't all me. They were having some issues with all the invites. I don't think they expected so many people at their soiree.

But now it's quite a party! Especially since I found out they have G.I. Joe, Ren & Stimpy and Transformers!

I do sometimes have some troubles getting things loaded. But usually restarting the program solves that. It's still in beta. You can't expect it to be perfect!

There's content for everyone. There's a lot of music channels. They have videos and behind the scene stuff. I just got done watching several Madonna videos.

There's several different sporting channels. I noticed everything from skating to fighting.

They even have big name channels like MTV, Comedy Central and Nickelodeon.

It's of course not your normal kind of television viewing, where you flip through to see what's on. It's more like having an On Demand service on your computer. For example, you would click on the MTV channel and then pick which Laguna Beach episode you want to watch.

Yeah. That's about the extent of the MTV content so far. That and My Super Sweet Sixteen.

But did you really expect MTV to have cool stuff, anyway? There's plenty of other channels to watch.

If you'd like to try it out yourself, email me and I'll send you an invite.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm in the middle of a G.I. Joe marathon!

My Life Was Nothing More Than Wasted Time

Woah! What happened?

I got the itch to make things a little more springy around here. So here you go. I've even got flowers and color!

You'll also notice a few other changes, the most obvious being the three columns. I've tried and I've tried and I'm pretty sure they're set up so that they won't end up on top of each other. But if you run into that kind of problem, let me know.

The part I'm most excited about is the collapsable posts. I don't really know why. It just seems cool. I'm hoping they pretty much explain themselves. But if you have any trouble, again give me a holler.

There's some other ideas I'm tossing around in my head. Stay tuned.

I hope you enjoy the new look. It gave me quite a headache but I'm pleased with the results.

Who knows how long that will last?

And Now that You Found It

Things I think are useful:

Twitter
I think I'm the only person I know who uses this. I've read about how people really like it and I can see how it would be useful. But when you only have one friend, it's just not very exciting.

A Plastic Bag Keeper
With my whole Earth Day epiphany, I need a place to put my plastic bags. I've always just crammed them under the sink. But this is a good idea! It's recycling all around! And I always thought holders like these were creepy.

Cord Wrangler
I love this! How simple! Why didn't I think of that long ago! I have an obsession for office supplies so this idea makes my week!

Got My Locs on Hard Hat Goin' to War

My dad survived the great tornado of '73 (scroll to bottom).

He remembers standing at the back door with Mamo, watching the weather. When their shirts started sucking away from their bodies and toward the storm, they knew it was time to head for the basement.

My grandparents' home didn't get damaged and they were all safe. But it put the scare into them.

When we were kids, my dad would make us put on shoes if there was threat of a tornado. Sandals wouldn't work. They'd be no good if we ended up having to walk over splintery wood, nails and broken glass.

And to this day, I still put on a pair of shoes if I think I may need to take shelter. See, Dad? I listen now and then!

Last night, a big tornado played "connect the dots" with a few small towns out west. It was a long night of watching the weather.

I knew things were going to be bad when the storm spotters sounded scared. They usually sound excited.

The town of Greensburg looks like it's demolished. A whole wing of the hospital was destroyed. Homes were flattened.

As a result, I'm taking the storm forcast for today seriously. We're right on the edge of the high-risk area of the map. And things are turning out just as bad, if not worse.

As I was driving to work today, I realized I put on flip-flops. Those would be no good in bad weather! I'd be worthless at my new job.

Oh you didn't know about my new job? I guess it's not a new job, really. Just new responsibilities.

We had a tornado drill one day and we all crammed into a room in the back. I was talkingn to a co-worker, Cassie, who was standing beside me. I looked up to see my Team Lead, Angela, looking straight at me. Then she came walking up to us.

I thought I was in trouble. You know how paranoid I am.

"She'll do it. Give it to her," she said.

Cassie was our Safety Monitor. The job requires the monitor to search for everyone in the event of an emergency. They have to herd the stray cattle in.

Cassie has asthma. She got to thinking that if we had a fire, she probably wouldn't last long in the smoke. So they gave the job to me.

She gave me a flashlight, a bright orange vest and a hard hat.

That's right. Savor that picture in your head. Me in a hard hat. But don't forget the orange mesh vest!

Reinvent Your Intuition

I got invited!

Remember how I was longing for an invite to Joost? I finally got one! I'm so special!

Well, not really. I read that Joost opened up the invite process so that the beta testers now have unlimited invites they can send out. So I did some fishing.

I'd like to thank John Doe for my invite!

I was pretty excited. I clicked the download link right away. It downloaded and installed quickly. I clicked on the Joost icon. The console came up and

told me I was disconnected from the network.

I rebooted and reset my cable connection. Still, no Joost.

I looked online at Joost support and made sure to open all the required ports. And still nothing.

I'm hoping it's because they got overloaded with all the new invitees logging in.

But with my luck . . . it's probably all me.

The Luckiest Dreamers Who Never Quit Dreamin'

Raw sold her car today. She's moved up to a mini-van.

It's really quite sad. And not just because I often get ridiculously attached to things. Nor is it because Raw is one step closer to "soccer mom" status.

Raw was the first one of our group to buy a car. It was a big deal. It was a sign we were growing up.

This time, I'm not resisting the auto purchase. She needs the room with baby number two coming.

But when she bought her car, I was strongly against it. Didn't she remember the good times we had in the Honda? How could she get rid of it?

I think I had a harder time with it than she did. And she was the one who had to make the payments!

We're too Young to Fall Asleep

Things you should do before you contact your bank, doctor's office, school or really anyone:

1. Have your account number/patient number/etc with you.

2. Have patience.

3. Please have any paperwork pertaining to why you are calling.

4. Please understand that most people are not mind-readers.

5. Have a pen ready!
Then, when you ask questions, and the person answers you, you won't have to say "Wait! Let me get a pen!" and then make the person wait five minutes for you to find a pen that works!

6. Don't call from your car.
Actually, that one's not even a huge deal. Unless the connection is horrible or you're using it for an excuse.
"I can't look at the information right now because I'm driving!"
"The last person hung up on me so please let me give you my phone number because I'm on the road and can't be using all my minutes because my bill last month was super high and so here is my number it's 555-2 . . . Did you get that? Because I really need to *click!*"

7. Please know why you're calling.

8. (Related to #7) Don't have someone else call in for you. Especially if they don't know what you want to do or if information cannot be realased to that person.

9. IGNORE YOUR CALL WAITING!

10. Watch the potty-mouth. It's really not going to help.