We're Waiting for the Signal of your Starlit Grin

Jacque y Esqueleto
Originally uploaded by YourAuntBee.

Wednesday night, I went to out for dinner and shopping with Jacque. Jacque has a baby growing inside her!

I saw pictures of the baby and he looks like a tiny skeleton! I told her I was going to buy the baby HeMan toys.

"This is me, SheRa. Here you are--Skeletor. And this mean looking lady is your mommy, Evil Lynn!"

She wasn't too cool with that idea.

The creepiest part of the night was walking through the baby section of Dillard's. I've never noticed how crazy ladies will gather around an expectant mother. Three salespeople asked us if we needed any help. The last one kept hanging near us, saying "Feel this! Isn't this cute!" when really all we wanted to do was breeze through quickly.

She was showing us some fuzzy blanket when I looked up and realized there were three other women gathered and kind of hiding around Jacque with crazy "GIVE ME YOUR BABY!" looks in their eyes.

It totally freaked me out!

I decided it would be better for us to do the baby shopping online, so we went back to her house. We were looking at the Graco website. They have a pattern that's basically a bunch of Gs all over baby stuff. We decided it would really only work well if you had a baby with a name that started with G.

So I've taken it upon myself to think of "G" names for the Chris and Jacque's son. Everyone at the bank helped. Allie came up with several. Here are the fruits of our brainpower. Please, if you can think of any others, leave a comment.

Garrett, Grey, Grant, Grady, Gabriel, Gage, Gibson, Griffin, Griffith, Grayson, Graydon, Gavin, George, Gunnar.

Giovanni, Gabe, Galen, Gellar, Gifford, Gene, Gary, Giorgio, Gianni, Gus, Guy, Gerald, Gucci.

Geronimo, Gomez, Gilbert, Gil, Gadjet, Gunther, G-Unit, Garfield, Garth, Guster, Goofy, Gentry, Gip.

In the Calm Calculus of Reason

Riders on the Storm
Originally uploaded by YourAuntBee.

For me, last year's Memorial Day weekend was much the same as this one's will be. I had to work on Saturday and then was going to head back to Clay Center.

It was a bright, hot day, but you could feel the storms approaching. The drive was boring and there were surprisingly few people on the road.

Not to long after pasing through the giant metropolis of Durham, I noticed a Durango at the end of a driveway and a woman standing with her dog. She was waving quite frantically as I passed by.

I realized she probably needed some kind of help and instead of continuing on, like most women travelling alone should probably do, I slowed down and turned around.

I'm not quite sure why I decided to stop. I've never done it before, but she did seem quite hopeless. So it happens that I picked up my first hitchhiker.

So what if it turned out she was more of a stranded motorist? I still think I was quite brave and merciful to pick her up! Plus she thanked me by bringing a basket full of spa-at-home goodies to me at work.

I wonder if all hitchhikers are so nice?

All of these Delusions of Grandeur

Curtains and an Empty Theatre
Originally uploaded by YourAuntBee.

Last night, Mitch drove us to see the new Star Wars movie.

The theatre was quite full for a Thursday night. We got there early and so I was lucky enough to get a seat right smack dab in the center. It was a big crowd, but everyone was quiet. Which is good, because you know how I hate it when someone's talking during my movie!

I've heard a lot of grumblings about how bad the acting is. It was generally crappy, but who goes to a Star Wars movie to see great acting?

The film was action-packed. You definitely got a lot of everything in this episode.

I was greatly disappointed, though. I kept hearing about this great Wookie war but didn't see much. I want more Wookie!

The whole audience laughed at a few parts. Mostly, when R2 was showing his badass side. But I was the only one chuckling when Vader met his demise. I know I must have evil in my heart to laugh at that! But it just seemed kinda silly!

About one-fourth of the way through the movie, I was regretting sitting in the middle. I really had to go! But there was no way I was going to climb over all those people in the dark and risk missing good parts of the film! So I sat uncomfortably through most of the movie.

Turns out Bret had the same problem and once the credits started rolling, he was rushing to the restroom, looking like Yoda as he bounced off the walls and flipped over peoples' heads.

So Pack up your Stuff Kid and Get in the Van

Casey
Originally uploaded by YourAuntBee.

I didn't like Casey when I first met him.

I think I may have mentioned I'm a bit of a mother hen, especially when it comes to Sarah. After our first year at KU, I went a whole summer without "protecting" her, so you'd think I would kind of ease up.

Jackson was the first of my pals to show up at the apartment the day everyone moved back. He said he had seen Sarah and she had some guy with her.

This brought a frown to my face. I don't know of any boy! What's she doing with some boy she hardly knows???

When they stopped by to visit, I was in high defense mode. It didn't help that this new boy, Casey, didn't talk at all. I didn't ask him any questions and he didn't offer up any other information. He sat there with his mouth shut.

I've learned in the years since that this is not typical Casey behavior.

Casey is now one of my nearest and dearest. I talk to him more than I do Sarah. He's like a woman with his phone!

He's got some hen skills himself. I always feel like if I, or even friends of mine he barely knows, were to get in trouble, Casey would be right there to help.

He makes friends faster than anyone I've ever known. We went to the karaoke bar, here in Wichita, once. We sat at the bar and Sarah and I began talking and watching karaoke. When we decided to pay some attention to Casey, we noticed he already had a new friend. Casey had made friends with some guy who didn't even speak English! He's that good!

We share the same weird humor, and I (usually) laugh at all his jokes. We also find embarrassing antics funny.

Once, when visiting in Lawrence, I made Casey take me to the bank there. I wanted to do some comparing.

On the way back, we took the backroads up through the Greek houses. There's never any parking near campus, and the roads get pretty narrow when there's cars parked on both sides.

In front of one Greek house, there was a Jeep Cherokee double parked, barely leaving enough room for anyone to get by. We realized someone was in the drivers' seat, so as Casey squeezed the van by, he began honking like a madman.

I began laughing like a madman while covering my face in semi-embarrassment. Casey got to the corner and said "Let's do it again!"

So around the block we went and our buddy was still stationed at his post. We honked and honked and laughed and laughed. At the corner, Casey said "Let's do it again!"

We round the last corner and I'm laughing in anticipation. Our buddy is ready for us and throws his head out the window and is yelling at me as we pass, honking.

At this point, I'm already unable to breathe. Yet, still we think it's a good idea to have another go around the block.

This time, we came around the corner and our buddy appeared to be gone! We were quite disappointed until I realized he had parked! "There he is!" Casey started honking, and we gave him the thumbs up.

He thought we were awesome, too, and told us we were number one by pointing his middle finger in the air.

We still laugh like madmen when we talk about this story. Really, it was hilarious. I promise.

Happy birthday, Casey!

To be Safe Up Here with You

Cijay
Originally uploaded by YourAuntBee.

Last night, I hunkered down on the couch to watch my latest Netflix choice, I Heart Huckabees. (Which I loved, by the way, but don't think I'd recommend it to everyone.)

Cijay was quite restless and couldn't seem to decide where to sit. It appeared that all of his favorite, most fur-covered areas, did not have satistfactory views of me. Can't let me out of your sights, you know--I'm trouble!

Normally, Cijay hangs out on the back of the couch if I'm on it. Lately, he's been avoiding that area. He feels crowded by the futon.

I'm getting rid of my futon. I'm supposed to be taking it to my brother, but for now, it's sitting on its side right behind the couch. You'd think it would make a nice backrest for a cat, but apparently Cijay had other ideas.

Cijay
Originally uploaded by YourAuntBee.

While I was trying to watch the movie, I was disturbed by some sort of scratching sound. I looked around, and wasn't able to see Cijay right away. I wasn't looking in the right place. He had perched himself on top and inside the futon.

Cats are comfortable in the weirdest places.

A Name in Your Recollection

Croc
Originally uploaded by YourAuntBee.

ps--Sometimes I feel invisible!

And Give Me Back My Evil Heart so I Can See You as You are in

Cassie
Originally uploaded by YourAuntBee.

Big shout out to the 207!

Didn't I Lick Your Feet and Warm Your Pillow?

Cijay
Originally uploaded by YourAuntBee.

Update on Cijay's status:

Obviously, he didn't gnaw through my jugular in the night. Nor did he (as Chris keeps telling me he will) urinate all over my pillow.

He lies down to eat and frowns at me all the time.

It's like living with my brother!

Race to the Fire

Fire?
Originally uploaded by YourAuntBee.

As I drove around the river bend today, I saw three fire trucks with their lights flashing.

Scary!

Turns out they were just watering the river. Yeah I don't understand, either.

I was Thinking that I Should be Singing Along

Watering the River
Originally uploaded by YourAuntBee.

It's really quite amazing how fast thoughts fly through your brain. In mere seconds, a person can come up with a ton of ideas.

On my way to work, I was at a stop light when I heard someone shouting "Excuse me ma'am?"

Let's forget about the fact that being called ma'am freakes me out, and focus on it being weird to have someone shouting it to you in the middle of the street.

I turned my head to see a lady in sunglasses frowning at me. "Do you know--"

Insert brain thinking of the rest of her question:
--that my tire is flat?
--that my tail-lights are out?
--that my car is smoking?
--that my car has burst into flames?
--that there's a crazy axe murderer in the backseat?

"--where Newman College is?"

Now I Spend my Time Just Making Rhymes of Yesterday

Cijay
Originally uploaded by YourAuntBee.

Cijay had his front claws yanked out on Tuesday.

I know I know I know I'm horrible. It's over and done with. He appears to be healthy. I'm not feeling quite so bad.

The goober was gone for two nights. I got a bit lonely. I'm totally going "crazy cat lady."

I didn't realize how used to being greeted at the door I was. Of course, I only get greeted because Cijay knows it's feeding time.

I think the whole ordeal has the little guy all tuckered out. He's been sleeping all day.

It must have traumatized him, too, because he's twitching and whining in his sleep. Now and then his eyes will fly open, but he's not really awake.

It's kind of like hanging out with Casey when he's napping on the floor.

Cause My Buzz Gettin' Strong

Chile
Originally uploaded by YourAuntBee.

I am totally obsessed with The Magic Bullet.

I've watched the infomercial every weekend for weeks. It's the ultimate party machine!

In seconds, it can make dips, sauces or smoothies. The Magic Bullet can chop garlic and onions, dice chicken, shred cheese and grind coffee. The Magic Bullet is AWESOME!

My cheap blender broke a few weeks ago. I think it pretty much blew up. So I've been without chile for weeks!

I was at SuperTarget, checking out the blenders when there it was, calling out to me: The Magic Bullet! I turned my back on it.

I checked out a fairly reliable blender with a nice glass pitcher. I've been through 3 cheap blenders this year, so I figured I'd save some cash in the long run to get a decent . . .

But look! Look right there! It's The Magic Bullet!!! For only a Jackson more!

I gave in to the temptation. I threw that puppy into my cart and ran to the checkout before I could have any second thoughts.

I have been having the Ultimate Party of One ever since. First up: Chile! Seconds!

Fruit sorbet? Seconds!

Chocolate Mousse? Seconds!

Guacamole? Well, that didn't work out so well. I've never actually made guacamole and didn't really realize how ripe the avacado needs to be. Oops.

Next up: Smoooooothies!

And the Pavements are Burning

Ark Ness Monster
Originally uploaded by YourAuntBee.

Summer is totally here.

Today was the first day that all I had to do was look out the window and immediately know it would already be hot.

Ugh.

The Sun Came Out Today

Meet on the Mound
Originally uploaded by YourAuntBee.

I've always wanted to go to a Wichita State Shockers baseball game, but had just never gotten around to it.

Wednesday, Tammy came back to visit me. "Bert has extra tickets for the game. Do you want to go?"

Of course I did! I'm a mooch!

I didn't find out until later that we would be sitting in the skybox! Yeah I'm high class!

You peons can see the pictures I took here.

Skanky's Fine with Me

"I Like to Scream Obscenities"
Originally uploaded by YourAuntBee.

On Thursday, several of us had plans to go to the Cajun Food Fest. The weather looked rather nasty, so everyone backed out and only Cassie and I were brave.

So all day, we were looking to getting our fill of red beans and rice.

I met a woman who had a Cajun Food Fest TShirt on, so I asked her if she was working the big event that night. She said she was and we had a nice chat about the Fest.

I'll spare you all the details, but some anger and cross words spilled from her. The end result was Madame Cajun screaming at Tammy--Tammy in her nice business suit--"You skanky-ass whore!"

Was it stupid of me to still have gone to the Fest and eaten her food?

You can see some pictures I took at Riverfest by clicking here.

You Can Say I Ain't Got No Sense

Riverfest
Originally uploaded by YourAuntBee.

I took Cassie to the opening night of Riverfest. She's from Maine and had never enjoyed the spectacle.

The object of the night was to get a roasted corn cob and a turkey leg for Cassie. She had heard all about them and just had to have one of each for herself.

Of course we ended up parking on the opposite end of the food area. We had to walk through all the other events to reach the goal.

On our way through, we saw several policemen. At one point, we saw six of them walking hurriedly the way from which we had just come. Soon after, there followed a giant mob of teenies running. I wanted to follow to see what the deal was, but Cassie was more interested in food. Probably safer that way!

We finally reached the food court and fed our faces qutie nicely. We spent $21.50 on food for just the two of us!

We took our funnel cake and hung out by the river to watch the fireworks, though I enjoyed watching the people more. Like the couple with a stroller and a small boy walking beside them. A small boy screaming at the top of his lungs as they ignored him. I couldn't help but laugh at the kid.

Once the fireworks were over, the police wasted no time in rushing everyone out of the area. We needed to be on the other side of the river, but to get there, we had to follow a pathway that goes up, back and around.

We reached the top of the stairs and started following the path that would lead us ten feet to another path which would take us right to the bridge. Instead, we were stopped by three of Wichita's Finest.

"Time to lead the park, ladies." the oldest and creepiest declared.

"We're on our way. We just have to go over there to cross the bridge."

"Park is closed. You need to go that way." He tells me and points behind me.

"We just came from there and it's all blocked off."

It's not like I was some crazy kid trying to cause trouble! I was being good and not going through roped off areas. I was just trying to make my way through the maze to get to the bridge!

Officer High N. Mighty gives me a smirk and says "Just go right this way. We'll even go with you!" As if I'm some sort of dummy!

So we turn back around and run into the other half of the crowd. The police on the other side are trying to shove the crowd the right way and so we're all getting crammed together.

The crowd all finally starts going the same way and we are told to climb a fence to exit the park. What??? I only had ten feet to walk to get to the right path and now I have to climb a fence???

The family in front of me had a stroller and the mother started freaking out. "How am I supposed to get my son out???"

It turned out, we could go through a roped-off area and not have to climb the fence. Still, what's the point of roping off areas, then?

When You Sent Me off to See the World

The Pool Shark
Originally uploaded by YourAuntBee.

It's funny how often times when we try to think of big monumental things our mothers have done for us, it's hard.

Sure, we can think of bad things. Like the time she dropped me on my head during my first Christmas trip to Missouri. Or the way she hurriedly tore the hairbrush through my hair in the mornings.

We tend to forget about how when we are sick and hurt, Mom's hand is always cool and comforting. Or the way she would put your hair into a billion tiny braids just so you can do a Milli Vanilli parody.

I think we tend to forget the great things our mothers do because we tend to take them for granted. It's really all the little things they do for us:

You get the pair of boots everyone had to have for your eighth birthday. She lets you wear them every day that year.

She always lets you lick the brownie batter off the hand blender, even though she really wanted to do it herself.

She introduces you to the peanut butter and pickle sandwich and you realize it's the greatest sandwich ever.

Everytime you go to the WalMart in Manhattan, she buys you a toy.

She piles all your friends into her car on your 12th birthday and takes you all cruising.

There's so many little things the mothers do, and that's in addition to giving you life! That alone should get her a bag of Peanut M&Ms every day!

Happy Mothers' Day to my momma and all the other baby mommas!

With Just the Thought of You not Here

Is This my Eulogy?
Originally uploaded by YourAuntBee.

ARGH!

Insane in the Membrane

It's like the pinata has not only been busted
open it's been demolished.
Originally uploaded by YourAuntBee.

Mondays are always rather hairy at work. We're always busy and everyone's grumpy because the weekend is over.

Today was one of the craziest Mondays ever.

There's this old guy who will bring his mother through the drive-thru. He swings his door open, banging it into the building and shoves his stuff into the bucket. If he wants to get a person's attention, he doesn't use the "call button." Oh no, it's much easier for him to slam his hand on his truck a few times.

I should really call someone about they way he abuses his truck!

Today, he came rushing up to the window and starts screaming at me. "My deposit is stuck in there and you'd better send someone out to get it RIGHT NOW!!!"

He was so angry and shaking that I barely uttered an "Okay." I was shocked by his scary behavior.

He returned to his truck and I called out to find out exactly where his deposit was. Scary McGee didn't even let me finish before he just started yelling at me. I'm not even sure what he was saying.

Nadia showed up at this point and said "You need to stop yelling and calm down!"

He turned his anger and loud noises to Nadia and screamed "I don't have to do anything, bitch!"

That's precisely when I got angry. "Excuse me?"

It was just like talking to a three year-old in the midst of a giant tantrum. There was no reasoning with him. "Sir, there's nothing anyone can do out here. I have to fix it from--"

"Send someone out here right now!" he shrieked as he banged on his truck. "Right now, you bitch!!!"

We exercised our right to refuse service once I got his transaction and sent it back out to him. There was no helping a person who wouldn't answer our questions. Well, he wouldn't answer them with anything other than calling us names.

Crazy pulled the tube out, removed his check and Nadia says "He's going to throw that at us."

Instead, he threw it on the ground and stormed inside, leaving his truck where it was.

From then on, he was Christine's peach to deal with. He ranted nonsense at her at a slightly lower pitch than he screamed at us.

He told her he was going to leave his truck where it was while he went grocery shopping. He said that if that tube was under his truck, he was going to run over it!

Chris, as a mother, was much better at speaking to him as though he was a three year-old in the midst of a terrible temper tantrum. She told him that no, he wouldn't be doing such things and that he would, in fact, put the tube back where it goes.

I still don't understand why he got so terribly angry. I've had angry customers, but they always had some halfway valid reason for it. This guy totally wigged out before anything bad happened.

What really made me angry about the whole situation was the way he upset my other customers. One woman, after witnessing the event, was too scared to stick around. She was just sure he had a gun in his truck and would be angry enough to whip it out.

The whole thing wore me out; and it's only Monday!

It's a good thing I missed the lady falling down in the drive. I don't think I could handle two crazies in a day!

Like a Holy Rolling Stone

Black Hole Sun
Originally uploaded by YourAuntBee.

In high school, I was in Forensics and was introduced to a piece of prose called "The Ragman" by Walter Wangerin, Jr.

Ragman was nerdly famous in our area because it was a powerful piece in the right hands and really appealed to the judges in the MidWest.

The piece is about this dirty old guy who walks the city, handing out his dirty rags to people. The rags heal people and the narrator is amazed and follows the Ragman around.

The narrator follows the man to the dump where the Ragman dies. The narrator is overcome with grief and falls unconcious.

When he awakens, the Ragman is alive and clean and healthy. The Ragman, it turns out, is Jesus.

I'm starting to wonder if Jesus is pulling the same trick with me. Like, maybe he's testing me?

Friday night, on our way into the Sprint store (a whole other rambling story--just you wait!), a man rushed at us with a gas can in his hand.

"Ladies, I'm really sorry to ask you this, but," he begins in a much angrier tone that I would normally expect, "I'm out of gas just down the road and need some gas."

Being the check card junkie that I am, I never have cash on me, and Friday was no exception.

I apologized and he stormed off to somewhere.

Saturday, Cassie and I had stopped by Tonya's place. I had just gotten out of the car when an older lady on the balcony above me called out to me. "Do you girls know of any other old ladies living alone in this place? You know, like me? I'd really like to make a friend!"

Again, I apologized. I told her we didn't live at this complex; we were just visiting a friend.

"I get so lonely."

I really wasn't quite sure what to say, and my food was getting cold! "I'm really sorry!"

As we started to head up the stairs, the woman called out "I guess I'll have to go knocking on doors!"

Surely, if this is Jesus in disguise, testing me out, he wouldn't be so abrasive, right?

Or maybe it's Cassie he's trying to test!