Just Let Me Pull Myself Together

Whenever our family gets together, someone always slobs food onto their shirt.

Usually, it's more than one of us. Marcus was pretty awesome a few years ago and managed to do it on his first bite! You'd think we'd learn to all wear bibs.

Jill, Sharon and I were discussing who would be the first to ruin their shirt this year. Sharon had no hesitation in nominating someone. And even though Jill and I offered up other suggestions, there was no changing Sharon's mind. She was absolutely positive this person would be the first to slob.

I ate downstairs at the almost-kids' table and we all managed to keep our food where it belonged. I asked around later and nobody could remember anyone being sloppy.

Could it be true? Would we all walk out of that house without a stain on anyone's shirt? Was the world ending?

When I finally ran into Sharon again, she let me know all was right with the world. "I was wrong! It was me! I was the first to slob!"

Won't You Stand Over Here Do a Favor

So The Boy is pretty fast.

You put him down and he literally hits the ground running. He will shoot as far away as possible in the blink of an eye.

My mom and I went back to Lawrence after Thanksgiving to hang out. We stopped at Wal-Mart with Marcus, T-Biscuit and The Boy.

Yes, Wal-Mart. It was torture, but SuperTarget was closed.

Marcus put The Boy down as soon as we walked in the door and he shot straight over to the apples. Before we even knew what was happening, he took a big bite out of one of the apples.

My mom grabbed the apple as we all tried to distract Sir from the tasty treat. We ended up just letting him eat it. What were we supposed to do?

I mean, we couldn't go with my mom's first instinct and just put it back!

" . . . And then while she's sleeping with her mouth open, I'm gonna put my toenail clippings on her teeth . . ."

Baby You Ain't Half of What You Used to Be

"Hey what happened? Did I drink all that?"

So You Thought That I Would Stop It

We're heading to Ottawa for Thanksgiving tomorrow.

This year, I'm making my usual cinnamon-caramel rolls. Doll is in charge of the relish tray.

I had some wise advice to give her tonight.

"Whatever you do, do NOT drop the vegetables!"

Shake a Hand, Shake a Hand Now

I'm done with my Christmas shopping and have moved on to downloading Christmas CDs.

I'm just warning you. Aunt Bee is feelin' it.

So I Heard You're Two-Faced

A few orders of business:

1. I hear rumor that some of you are having trouble accessing pictures from the OU vs KSU game. The few pictures that turned out can be found by clicking right here.

2. I love Kanye. This is my favorite so far:

3. This is frickin' disgusting!

You Can Stay, You Can Go

Oh K-State . . .

Why would you bring Snyder back? He is old! His miracle days are over!

And what was this?

I couldn't even watch the whole thing! Who does he think he is? King Poobah? How me me me was that?

Oh I'm sorry. I guess he did talk about the family. The Kansas State family. The people who showed up back in 1987 and 1988. Those are the people who really care.

It's too bad you don't really care about them. I was at those games. My grandparents had season tickets and we used to be surrounded by the same fans for years. As K-State started winning games and prices went up, we started sitting by more and more total strangers.

And shut up about the equestrian team! My mom will start raving about how they got rid of swimming for horses!

Shining, Gleaming, Streaming, Flaxen, Waxen.

Speaking of Oklahoma football . . .

When we went to the OU vs KSU game last month, I was mesmerized by this guy's hair. The wind moved it very hypnotically.

Somehow my dad knew what I was up to. "You don't need to take a picture of it!"

I kept thinking it couldn't be real!

Today, while doing some browsing, I came across Flair Hair. Now I know that guy's secret!

Too Strong to Lose

For years, I've been a big fan of the defense.

I've sworn I would marry all the Oklahoma linebackers starting with Rocky Calmus. Then I fell in love with Teddy Lehman. And most recently, my heart was won by Rufus.

What can I say? I like a good tackle! And, like my father before me, I'm not a fan of the quarterback.

That all changed tonight!

Oklahoma's offense was beautiful tonight! DeMarco Murray blew my mind. Did you see him evading tackles?

Sam Bradford is one of the few quarterbacks I've actually liked. Tonight, he was a true leader. And he's only a sophomore!

But my defense was no slouch! When recovering a turnover, you'd think the offense was playing again. And their tackles were insane!

Okay. So the horse collar was pretty ridiculous. And they could have cut down on the jawing. But come on, who doesn't want to kick Carter's ass?

Honestly, I believe that I just watched the greatest team in college football win a game. I haven't seen anyone play that great this year.

Now if we can keep it up for Oklahoma State . . .

But not Tonight, Feed Them Death

I'm not a fan of the NBA so yes I know I'm late to this story.

Apparently, when the Cavaliers score one hundred points or more in a game, you can turn your ticket in for a free chalupa at Taco Bell.

And if you've ever been to any kind of sports event, you know people get insane for the free stuff. You're going to shoot a T-shirt at me? I can upgrade to a free plastic team cup? Do I want a free pom pom? A free towel? Hell yeah!

When the Cavs were beating the Bucks 99-93 with less than a minute remaining in the game, I'm sure the crowd was going nuts. Free chalupas for all!

But when LeBron got the ball, he dribbled out the clock. He didn't even try to score that goal. The fans would go home hungry.

And boy were the fans mad! They booed poor little LeBron. What bullies!

I guess LeBron is all sad that the fans would boo the home team. Which, yeah, is silly. But come on, one more point?

I listened to coach Mike Brown on Jim Rome the other day. He was the one who told LeBron to dribble it out. Brown said it was obvious the Cavs were going to win and they didn't want to rub it in the Bucks' faces by scoring more points.

Seriously? It's not like the score was 99-50! The won by six points! I really don't think the Bucks would have minded an extra point or two.

I know. It's just a chalupa. And if they can afford a season ticket, they can surely cough up a buck or two for a chalupa.

But the closer the score gets to the century mark, the more they try to rile up the crowd. They start tossing free Taco Bell crap into the crowd. The big screen goes chalupa crazy and apparently there's even a chalupa chant. And then you're going to intentionally deny them the chalupa? Of course you're going to get the drunk fans booing at you!

"I can't believe people who buy season tickets get worked up over a g-- d--- $1 (blank) taco," LeBron said later.

I think he's really missing the point. It's not really about the food. I'm sure most of the fans never even go to get their free chalupa. It's about having a good time with silly stuff. It's about connecting with your fans.

Anyway. That's my two cents on that.

Summons Me with Just One Beep

I know it seems like I'm always buying a new gadget, but I really think this phone will be the last one I ever buy.

The Pomegranate Phone looks absolutely amazing! Check out all the features!

I'm Interested

"What did you do at school today?"

"Uh . . ."

"Did you take a nap?"

"No."

"Did you play outside?"

"Yeah."

"Did you play with other kids?"

"Yeah."

"Did you have lunch?"

"Yeah."

"Did you learn stuff?"

"Yeah."

"I saw your girlfriend this weekend."

"Sophie?"

Post Hypnotic Suggestions

I try not to talk about it much, because I feel like I'm bragging about my goddaughter or something, but Sophia is smart.

Not just kind of smart. Crazy insane smart.

Keep in mind this child is two years of age. She knows when we're near the Troll. She will sing the whole alphabet to you and follow up with a grand rendition of Twinkle Twinkle, Little Star. The kid knows how to get to the mall!

Sophia will sit with you and actually converse. This weekend, we talked fashion. "My shoes match my dress."

"Um. Yes. They do. How old are you?"

"Two."

"Are you sure you're not twelve?"

But smarts aren't any defense against Aunt Bee's suggestion skillz. When Sophia told me about how she was going to get married, I asked if I could wear wings and show up as her fairy godmother.

"No. You can be Sleeping Beauty."

"Who can I be?" Raw asked.

Sophia looked at me and I whispered in her ear. She agreed and announced Raw's identity.

"You can be the eeeeviiill witch!"

Somethin' Now Has Caught His Eye

I have often talked about how awesome it would be to have a camera built into my head. I'd never miss those fleeting picture perfect moments!

And when I mention it, everyone looks at me like I've lost it. Again.

But I'm not the only one who has had such crazy ideas! Tanya Vlatch wants to get a camera installed into her glass eye!

You just wait! You'll be begging for one soon!

Before You Know, Awake

A couple of weeks ago, I received an email asking me about my spider, Pete.

I didn't write anything because I still wasn't over it. I'm feeling a bit better now. But I'm sorry to say Pete died.

She didn't even last as long as the freakin' crickets! What a waste of money!

Oh I mean . . . I know. It's super sad. Especially since she died the same day that my pet fish, Pete died. And I was sick that day. And I watched Pete, the fish die.

Yeah so it was a pretty sad day. But I'm recovering. Especially since I'm hoping my mom and dad find another one of these in their basement:

I swear it's some sort of mini-tarantula! Look at how scary it is! Look at it looking at you!!! I hope this time, they find a live one.

I bet it will eat my crickets.

Needless to Say It's a Wonderful Day

A couple of weeks ago, Alex from AdaptiveBlue Twittered his arrival in San Francisco.

"Send sourdough from Boudin!" I joked.

Yesterday, a package arrived from FedEx. The box had a big Boudin Sourdough logo on it. "No. Way."

We heard that this is the best bread in America. Enjoy it! Thanks for all of your help and for a great friendship. Alex, Fraser and the AdaptiveBlue crew

I was tickled, I was touched and I soon had a fully belly.

I think this speaks volumes about how great the AdaptiveBlue team is. Not only are they brilliant and developing incredible products, they are kind, sincere and totally in touch with their users.

If you're not using Glue, do it now!

I'll be busy filling up on sourdough and making a whole shopping list for Alex!

Please Don't Spoil My Day

"We should hang out this weekend."

"Okay. What are you doing tomorrow?"

"We're going to a pancake breakfast tomorrow morning."

"HAHA!"

"Right. I guess I'll call you when we're done."

"HAHA!"

"Right. Maybe you should just call when you get up."

Choice in the Matter

Here's the thing . . .

I have enough quilts and blankets and throws to keep my whole family toasty at Thanksgiving. I'm not even kidding.

My Granny quilted and I've inherited several of her quilts. My grandparents' neighbor made one for me a few years ago. I have a quilt I bought online because I thought it was gorgeous.

I have comforters I've collected over the years. The one I left home with, a terribly over-used Pooh and the Ralph Lauren with the giant rip. Oh and a few more.

And then there's the throws and various other blankets I've piled into my closet. What's worse, I don't really get cold and never even really use them!

So what in the world could I have been thinking when I looked through that catalog at Jacque's? Why would I see a comforter and think "I need that right now!!!"

Because I'm insane and don't have enough stuff crammed into this place. That's why.

So now you have to help me out. Which color? I'm really leaning toward the darker. In fact, I'm almost certain. But I also need you to talk me out of this. I don't really need it! Help!

Option Danielle

Option Queen Anne

All You Need Is Love

Wow. I got a lot of negative vibes in my inbox when I wrote about being against Proposition 8 in California.

I got emails full of hate and some telling me that I don't live in California and am not gay so shut up already.

I have a lot of things I want to say. But I seem to be having trouble getting my point across. Then I saw Olbermann and he really summed it up well for me:

I've Got the Moves Baby, You've Got the Motion

My brother and T-Biscuit graciously hosted me a couple of weeks ago. I had the pleasure of watching the same episode of Yo Gabba Gabba five times.

Marcus and Tasia got really good at the Dancey Dance:

And I thought he didn't have any moves!

Now Give Me a High-Five

This is for you, Jack.

So dorky and so awesome all at the same time!

You're My Only Hope

Some observations from election night:

1. Whether or not it was a real hologram, CNN's Princess Leia hologram stuff is a ridiculously expensive toy.

2. This election has really revived the career of Hank Williams Jr.

3. I think David Gergen is related to Brian Baumgartner.

But Don't Drag It This Way

Hey look, Raw!

I bet they don't have to tow people from that parking place anymore!

Winding Yourself Up until You're Turning Blue

I think I might have some issues. I've been having angry dreams. Like the one I had the other night . . .

I dreamed I was in my car and pulling up to the stoplight at Rock & Douglas. The car ahead of me was a little convertible and it suddenly pulled some moves that almost caused me to run into it. Because I'm such a good driver, I was able to save us both from a wreck. Then I noticed she was on her mobile phone and putting on make-up.

For some reason, this made me so angry that I put my car in park and and jumped out of my car. I stalked up to the her car and reached into the driver's lap. I grabbed her bag full of make-up and dumped it on the ground.

"Maybe you'll find it easier to drive, now!"

The driver was a woman from work that I don't really know at all. She was shocked. She didn't move for a moment and I stalked back to my car.

Finally realizing what had happened, the lady ran after me. "What's wrong with you?" she shrieked. "I'm calling the cops!"

She continued to follow me and finally caught up and beat on my window for awhile. The light turned green and I drove away.

Apparently, I was on my way to visit Raw and her family. Except in my dream, they lived in a big old house from my hometown. I rang the doorbell and Raw came out with her mom.

I knew I was in trouble. Usually, they yell at me for not just walking in and now they won't even let me in?

Well, it turns out that the driver of the convertible wasn't a lady from work at all. It was actually Raw's sister, Jennifer.

"So what? I'm in trouble, now?"

And then Tom came out. He crossed his arms and stared at me. That's his baby girl. It wasn't going to matter that she had irresponsible driving habits. It wouldn't mean a thing to him how practically like family I am. I meant nothing to Tom now.

And even though I knew my behavior was inexcusably irrational, even though I knew all of this could jeopardize any future relationship with my goddaughters, I couldn't stop myself.

I don't remember what I said. I don't think it was horrible. But it was loud and incredibly defensive, when really I just should have said "Sorry."

I woke up as I was walking away in my dream. "What the hell was that?"

No really! It's totally unrealistic! None of that would ever happen!

Jennifer doesn't even drive a convertible!

They Say You Lost Your Way

"We haven't eaten here in a long time!"

"We haven't, have we?"

"No. I think the last time was . . . a long . . . time ago . . ."

Hallelujah

Congratulations, America!

Wow! That felt good! I haven't voted for a presidential winner since I was a senior in high school!

I didn't expect my reaction to his win. I knew I'd be excited, but I wasn't prepared to be overcome with such emotion. I can't even describe the feeling. I think my reaction was mirrored by the panels on CNN.

After they announced they were calling the win for Obama, CNN showed the crowd at Grant Park. Everyone was going insane. When they finally cut back to the studio, it was just silent. Nobody was trying to talk over each other. Everyone was somber. A few were choked up.

When Obama gave his speech, I was amazed. He was grateful, inspiring and most of all, honest. It's refreshing to hear a politician say something along the lines of "It's going to be a difficult and long road, but I'm willing to stick to it and work my ass off. But I'll need your help. Walk with me. This is awesome, but it's not the end of the fight. It's just begun."

And how awesome is it to see a family who appears to genuinely care for each other? I don't think I've seen a political couple look at each other like that since Al and Tipper! And the girls . . . I mean you can tell they love him, but how much do you want to bet they were more excited about the puppy than Daddy's win?

With as excited and satisfied as I am about Obama's win, I am a little disappointed. I didn't vote for a winner in every category. And I was still holding onto the idea that maybe by some miracle this was going to be the year Kansas went blue. But it was much closer than I thought it would be!

And California . . . Well. You confound me.

I believe we made the right choice for president. I understand all kinds of things can go wrong, but for the first time in a long time, I have some hope. As I've been writing this, I've finally figured out how to describe what I felt last night.

I feel like I can breathe.

And to all those who have wondered if America's beacon still burns as bright: Tonight we proved once more that the true strength of our nation comes not from the might of our arms or the scale of our wealth, but from the enduring power of our ideals: democracy, liberty, opportunity and unyielding hope.

Yes. We. Can.

I don't like to talk politics with my mom. I get the feeling that she feels everything I say is an attack directed at her.

I'll admit, I'm not the best person to talk politics, either. There's really not much of a chance you're going to change my mind. But I try to listen. My mom cuts me off and is always very defensive.

A couple of weeks ago, I made the mistake of trying to talk to my mom about today's election.

"Oh so you think Obama can fix everything?"

I was very honest and told her no. We have dug ourselves into a very deep hole and left ourselves very few resources to fill it. I don't think Obama can do it in a mere four years.

But I believe that out of all the candidates, he's the best to get us started.

Obama has really inspired people this year. He somehow managed to help us find our passion again. He has the endorsement and support of leaders who can advise him and help guide our country back to a time when we believed in ourselves. When we still had hope.

I just have so much more confidence in the Obama/Biden ticket. For one, Obama just seems so much more presidential. McCain often looks scared and manic. I've never seen Obama look anything other than cool and collected. When he smiles, I feel it's genuine. And if you're one of those people, He's totally the kind of person you could have a drink with.

If you're not convinced by just comparing the two presidential candidates, just take a look at the running mates. Conservatives keep telling us that Obama doesn't have experience and just isn't ready. They use such verbiage in their John McCain-approved commercials. It seems maybe they should take a look at their own ticket before they try that line. Seriously, President Palin? This parody is not too much of an exaggeration!

Today is the day, ladies and gentlemen. One day to change the world. This is our moment.

The Time is Now

Just say no, California!

You have a very important decision tomorrow, California. This is the biggest civil rights vote ever in my lifetime. This is the vote that can get the wheel turning.

Marriage is supposed to about love between two people. Don't put limits on that love.

I honestly thought I was missing something. It seems to be simple. But for people to be so against gay marriage, there had to be a good reason! I tried Googling some valid reasons. What I found was a lot of hatred and words that disgusted me.

I've asked friends. The only answer I have received is that they believe it is against their religion or that "It's just wrong." Which is fine. Everyone is free to their opinions. I respect that.

But this is not a religious issue. This is a matter of telling one group of people that they do not have the option to do something that another group of people can. This is a constitutional issue.

A woman can vote. A black man is free to sit at the front of the bus, can vote and even run for president. Our history is full of people struggling for such inalienable rights. Why do we still continue to discriminate?

Nobody is asking for anything special. This is about equality. Straight people have been getting legally married and screwing things up for years. Why not give everyone a chance?

Vote No on Prop8!

Man This Freak Has Got Me Stressin'

Dear Readers,

I'm in Lawrence. I just had sushi. It was delicious.

But my host?

Well, my host is my brother. And I ordered him a sake bomb. And now he's saying things like "I've been drinking Tasia for two years . . ." So I'm kinda vomiting over here.

Oh and he's doing things like this what you see above.

Or Maybe Just Happy

Dear Texas Tech,

At this moment, you are one of my favorite teams on the planet.

Your offense is creative and aggressive. Your defense isn't too shabby. But most important, you just beat Texas.

Oh boy I hate Texas and I wasn't too happy when you let them score a touchdown to take the lead. I didn't think you could take it back in a mere one and a half minutes. And when you had only eight seconds left, I was yelling "Just kick the field goal!!!"

I underestimated you. Brilliant game!

But your fans. Wow. They aren't the brightest, huh? Maybe you can explain the rules to them?

Congrats on the big win!

Heart,
Aunt Bee